Showing posts with label Roger Clemens. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Roger Clemens. Show all posts

10.20.2011

Roger Clemens, Jason Giambi Also Pounded Beers! This Story Won't Go Away



Since this story won't seem to go away, we're gonna go ahead and join in the fun.

According to the New York Daily News, chronic douches Rogers Clemens and Jason Giambi have joined in the debauchery, as reports have surfaced that they, too, drank beer in the dugout and clubhouse during games. You know, back when they were relevant.

So yes. It turns out the Boston Red Sox aren't the only team to have participated in "rally beers" -- a term coined by another player we rabidly dislike, A.J. Pierzynski.

Yankees clubhouse insiders claim that Giambi and Clemens would pass brewskis disguised as a "protein shake" back and forth on the bench during games on a routine basis. Funny, that's not the first interest they've shared. Now they get to share a shoddy reputation... as if either of them had a shining one in the first place.

[Courtesy of Larry Brown Sports]

9.01.2011

Looking Back on 3,000 Posts


Welcome to our 3,000th post. Man, that's a lot of baseball blogging. It's like we never shut up!

We've had lots of laughs, done some fantastic interviews, seen writers come and go, and had pretty great contests and giveaways. Obviously, we need to take this opportunity to look back at some of our favorite posts. Ah, the good old days...

We got super lazy and decided to write all 30 team previews in haiku form.

There were a ton of elderly pitchers back in 2007. Naturally, we created a 12-Step support group for them.

There's really nothing quite like sitting around thinking of who would make the best mistresses for random Major League Baseball players. So that's what we did.

Remember when Josh Hamilton was busted licking whipped cream off a young lady's chest? We were hard at it that day.

Grady Sizemore gives us all an early Christmas gift by snapping sexytime pics of himself in some sort of dressing room...as if we checked out the background.

7.14.2011

Roger Clemens Lives to Suck Another Day


First and foremost, we missed you. Marea and I have both been incredibly busy with life. Clearly, we've had time to watch, read about, and obsess on baseball, just not even close to enough time to write about it. Anywho, glad to be back.

Roger Clemens, who we love to hate and hate to talk about except when it's really important or super hilarious, is one lucky son of a biotch. Turns out the prosecutors in charge of his perjury case are complete and utter morons.

U.S. District Judge Reggie Walton declared a mistrial Thursday after prosecuting attorneys totally effed things up by showing the jurors some evidence against the court's orders on just the second day of testimony. Basically, the jurors may or may not have been swayed regarding their opinions on the credibility of Andy Pettitte, who was probably quite looking forward to testifying against his old buddy and former teammate.

Therefore, the judge decided Clemens, no matter how big a d-bag he may be, deserves a fair trial so he rescheduled a hearing for September 2 in which they'll figure out whether or not to hold a brand spankin' new trial.

/legal mumbo jumbo.

So.... is The Rocket gonna go to jail ever or what? I just want to see him publicly humiliated some more.

[Sports Illustrated]

4.05.2011

Roger Clemens Does Not Understand Term "Gag Order"


A federal judge warned Roger Clemens on Monday that he was getting "precariously close" to violating a gag order by verbalizing his opinion on Barry Bonds' upcoming trial on steroid allegations.

Apparently, United States District Court Judge Reggie B. Walton was unaware of the fact that the Rocket never ever shuts the hell up. Ever. The sound of his own voice is music to his ears.

Despite being told clearly last August to keep his giant mouth from opening, Clemens and his former trainer Brian McNamee gave interviews about the case last week.

Just two days after McNamee went on a radio show denouncing the accusation that he is a "rat," the Rocket told ESPN Radio's Mike & Mike that he's excited to defend himself:

2.03.2011

Happy Trails Andy Pettitte


Andy Pettitte has announced his retirement from baseball.

Actually, he'll officially announce his plan to spend the rest of his life being a retired millionaire family man Friday morning at a Yankee Stadium press conference.

Pettitte had been letting on since the end of last season that he was planning on calling it quits. After becoming a free agent, he didn't even attempt to negotiate a contract, so it became pretty clear he wasn't going to play in 2011.

The 38-year-old lefty will hang up his glove with a career 240-138 record and 3.88 ERA over 16 big league seasons. Not bad, but his postseason numbers are what he's most proud of, where he posted a 19-10 record and 3.83 ERA to go nicely with his five World Series rings.

Although Pettitte spent 13 seasons with the New York Yankees, he took a hiatus from 2004-06 to pitch for his hometown Houston Astros. He was 11-3 with a 3.28 ERA in 21 starts with New York last season, limited by a strained groin that landed him on the disabled list for a couple months toward the end of the year.

8.20.2010

Blah Blah Steroids... What do YOU think?

Dearest BLB readers,

I just had to take a moment to ask your thoughts on Roger Clemens being indicted. Do you think he's delusional enough to believe that he never used anything? Do you think he'll go to prison? Do you think he deserves to go to prison if he's found guilty? What about that creepy Brian McNamee keeping all those DNA covered syringes? Do you think McNamee had planned to screw Clemens all along? Do you think Barry Bonds is next on the list to be indicted?

8.19.2010

Roger Clemens is a Liar Liar Pants on Fire


Blah blah steroids.

Roger Clemens was indicted Thursday on a series of charges for lying to the United States Congress of all people about his use of performance-enhancing drugs.

People lie about their age, their weight, their whereabouts to their wives, but lying to Congress? That's a big no-no. A snippet from the 19-page indictment:

In truth and in fact, as Clemens well knew when he gave this testimony, Clemens knowingly received injections of anabolic steroids while he was an MLB player.

3.23.2010

Blah Blah Steroids: Jose Canseco



Can you imagine the sort of shady crap you'd have to be involved with for the FEDERAL BUREAU of INVESTIGATION to show up at your doorstep? Yeah, that kind of thing only happens on television... unless you're Jose Canseco.

I happened to be scanning my Tweetdeck this afternoon when @JoseCanseco (yes, I totally follow him and yes, aside from the fact he has a little trouble with spelling and some anger management issues, it's pretty entertaining) tweeted the following...

8.19.2009

Top 10 Players Who Should Never Un-Retire

I'm a big, fat cheaterface.In the wake of former retired gunslinger Brett Favre's signing with the Minnesota Vikings, we've asked some of our favorite bloggers to help us compile a list of ten baseball players who they hope never ever make a comeback.

Since we came up with way more than 10 players we never want to see again, it was pretty tough to choose. However, some of them were dead, so that made it easier. That's all baseball needs is a zombie problem. P.S. Our two-cents are in italics.

10. Jon Pyle, Pyle of List: Ozzie Smith. He's so damn classy, that I couldn't stand it."

9. Matt, BoSox Injection: "Jose Offerman." (The game has been dangerous enough lately with players like Kevin Youkilis around.)

6.03.2009

I'm Your Huckleberry

Doc Hallday

Roy Halladay chewed up and spit out one Los Angeles Angels batter after another Tuesday, fanning a career-high 14 in the Toronto Blue Jays' 6-4 victory.

The unbelievably awesome right-hander, hunting down his second AL Cy Young Award, earned his big league-best ninth win for his second complete game of the season. He allowed four runs with no walks and seven hits in his sixth straight decision, lowering his ERA to 2.77. Awesome.

Fun fact: Doc’s 14 K's were the most by a Jays hurler since Roger Clemens struck out 15 Baltimore Orioles a decade ago.

[MLB.com] | [The Blue Jay Hunter] | [Drunk Jays Fans]



3.12.2009

Blah Blah Steroids: Hot Tub Party!

In an attempt to spoil our Spring happiness, Brian McNamee has come forward with more "news" (i.e. self-deprecating confessions) regarding the never-ending Roger Clemens' steroid scandal.

He injected him with an illegal substance in a hot tub.

Not just any hot tub, but the sacred hot tub in Yankee Stadium. Another time (July or August of 2001) McNamee claims he shot up The Rocket in the pitcher's high-rise Manhattan apartment.

Continue reading and rate this story at Fantasy Pros 911.

2.14.2009

Randy Johnson: Old and Full of Crap

Old schooler Randy Johnson, who joined the San Francisco Giants this winter, claims the elusive 300th win is not what made him return to baseball once again for the 2009 season.
"Winning 300 is important, but it is not the [sole] reason I am playing this game," he said.
Bologna.

The Big Unit needs only five more victories to reach the milestone, which only 17 other big leaguers have accomplished in the modern era. Most recently it was Tom Glavine in 2007, and before him Greg Maddux and Roger Clemens in '04 and '03, respectively.

12.31.2008

I Got Snowed In

It's been a crazy winter since the World Series ended, and with the hot stove burning, I've decided to come home from vacation and reunite with my one true love. America's Pastime.

One of the latest stories loosely-related to our favorite game involves Lizzy's #1 atop the list of people who she'd like to knock the fuck out: Roger Clemens.

So, what's new with The Rocket? His name is apparently being removed from the Sports Medicine portion of the Memorial Hermann Hospital in Houston, TX, effective January 1st... in order to "better reflect its commitment to all sports and athletes." You know, not just the cheaters.

Blah Blah Steroids.

So much has changed, yet so little. Good to be back for a bit, and long live baseball. Even though some if not most of its franchises stand for all that is wrong with humanity, there are the few and the proud who still believe. On that note, have a safe and happy New Year, see you in 2009.

[Houston Press] | [The Fanhouse] | [Deadspin]


7.29.2008

Six Things I'm Thinking About Right Now



Sixish things I am thinking about right now

1. Alex Rodriguez sure gets a boner every time he sees a) Derek Jeter b) Women who look like Tom Petty.

2. Roger Clemens is a self-loving anal-sphincter who, despite his rapid downfall into perjury charges and statutory rape, still jerks off to tabloid back pages of himself.

6.10.2008

They Don't Call Him the Rocket for Nothing



The New York Daily News, who seems to keep things interesting every couple of weeks, has dug up yet another gem on Roger Clemens.

Apparently, the former New York Yankees pitcher kept a different kind of performance-enhancer around the clubhouse.... Viagra.

Okay, did everyone just shudder? Yeah, me too.

Anyway, this is kind of a non-issue, since it's not illegal to get a boner in the big leagues. Move on, guys.

[Holy Taco]

5.06.2008

Roger Is So Sorry


...a sorry piece of shit
For the first time in his douchey life, Roger Clemens has given a public apology.

Without getting specific or actually admitting to any reports regarding his alleged HGH use and the affairs with Mindy McCready, dirty strippers, realtors, and fat golfer's ex-wives, the former hurler had this to say,
"I have apologized to my family for my mistakes, and having offered this apology to the public, I would ask that you let me and my family deal with these matters in private."
Fair enough.

Not that I trust anyone on either side of this defamation suit, but Richard Emery, Brian McNamee's attorney, brings up an interesting point,
"I think what it says without saying it is that he apparently admits he cheated on his wife and family. And if he cheated on them, I think it’s reasonable to assume that he cheated his fans and baseball."
As much fun as we poke at Clemens around here, this just isn't even funny anymore. It's kind of tragic. And I'd be willing to bet that Debbie is fricking pissed.

Rand Ball has a great remix of The Rocket's AT&T commercial. Or maybe it's the original?

[Houston Chronicle]

5.01.2008

Sloppy Seconds


Welcome to another episode of As the Rocket Turns...

Paulette Dean Daly and John
So, it seems Paulette Dean Daly -- former wife of professional golfer John Daly -- likes her men fat, sweaty and rich. Obviously, we're talking about one classy broad here.

More importantly, it seems that Roger Clemens likes to cheat on his wife. The two reportedly met circa 1997 (you know, when Daly was carted off to the hospital to treat alcohol poisoning) and became intimate after the Bob Hope Chrysler Classic in Palm Springs, where years ago she was a Classic Girl.

She's still involved with the tournament, mostly as a party organizer. So ah, picture this, if you can. The Rocket, dancing around said party with an 8-foot-long boa constrictor draped around his neck, as recently as two years ago. What an animal!

This is just the latest in an inevitable string of incidents to surface in the wake of his defamation suit against former trainer Brian McNamee. And we can just about guarantee this won't be the last bit of dirt that's dug up on the former New York Yankees star. You just know Mac has some whoppers he's been hanging onto...

[NY Daily News]

4.28.2008

The Rocket's Sordid Underbelly


I am such a douche, it's got to be some sort of big league record.It just keeps getting better for our buddy Roger Clemens.

The New York Daily News reported Sunday that Clemens had a 10-year affair with country singer Mindy McCready, who was 15 years old when the relationship began. That's right. While Debbie was at home raising kids and bedazzling shit, Roger was [allegedly] humping a teenager.

If true, all this really does is confirm that Clemens is a total douchebag, which could come in handy in a defamation suit.

Apparently, it was "love at first sight" when they first met in a karaoke bar she was performing in. Classy.

Are we surprised at this point? Not so much. I suppose we should be a bit shocked that as a 28-year-old man, he saw nothing wrong with having sex with a young girl, but I'm not the morality police.

Your thoughts, Chris Hansen?

Update: McCready has come forward and spoken with the Daily News about the allegations of the affair, which she claims are all facts. Could be a publicity stunt for a washed-up country singer, could be totally true. The optimist in me wants to believe that it's true, cause who doesn't love some day-time drama? She totally dumped Dean Cain for him in 1998.

ALSO! You have to listen to/watch Ryan Parker's hilarious parody of McCready's only hit, "Guys Do It All the Time" over at Bugs & Cranks. Well worth it.

[Deuce of Davenport]

4.04.2008

Losers of the Week



As we all know, the baseball season gives us many reasons to cheer. But just as plentiful are the moments we jeer and the people who make those moments possible.

It will be those zeroes that we'll highlight every Friday in Losers of the Week.


This week's post is sponsored by Guitar Hero.
"Guitar Hero. Putting pitchers on the DL one chord at a time."


Chicago Cubs Minor League pitcher Robert Hernandez was suspended for 50 games for testing positive for steroids. I mean seriously, have we learned nothing? Besides, if you're a 19 year-old in the minor leagues and you need steroids to get ahead, you've got no shot in the majors.

Yankees fans John Bunjaporte and Keith O'Rourke were kicked out of Yankee Stadium on Opening Day for trying to steal a piece of the decorative bunting that hung throughout the stadium. Not only were they kicked out, but they lost their season tickets and face criminal mischief charges. Shame on them. No, not the enthusiastic fans. Yankee Stadium officials. So they tried to steal some ugly banner and for that they miss the rest of the stadium's final season? What kind of a world do we live in where players are the only ones who can steal signs?

And finally, Brian McNamee is selling signed Roger Clemens memorabilia on Ebay. So far it consists of photos, baseballs and items of the like so it's pretty boring. But the minute those vials and tissues hits the auction site, I'm all over it.

And because it has become a Sarah tradition, I leave you with a song. A song about losers featuring a kid on the guitar with a t-shirt that says baseball. And thus, all the pieces come together.




2.24.2008

Fun With Polls: The Rocket's Future



Roger Clemens has had a pretty awesome offseason thus far, so he hasn't had a lot of time to consider his options for the 2008 season. Since we're nice gals, we thought we'd lay it all out for him.

There's the standard return to baseball, working out for teams, all that jazz. Then there's the "I think I'll wait until after the All-Star break to see which team is headed to the postseason" routine. Also, he could retire. Your thoughts? Feel free to use the write-in option in the comments section.
Play baseball
Let Be-Dazzling Debbie decide
Retire and slip into the shadows, never to be heard from again
Decide mid-season which team to join