The New York Mets are Not Impressed with R. A. Dickey's Adventurous Offseason Plans

Most of the time, when people have enough moxie to climb Mount Kilimanjaro, they are commended for their bravery and ambition. However, when these people are major league ballplayers expected to stay healthy at least until Spring Training, it is considered a no-no.

The New York Mets and general manager Sandy Alderson were troubled by the news of one of their relievers having the audacity to go mountain climbing in the offseason. Although they failed to advise against it in Dickey's contract, apparently they assumed he would just know better. Obviously they were mistaken. Although Alderson sent Dickey a letter in an attempt to dissuade him from the ascent, it seems the right-hander doesn't much give a crap.

Dickey, along with Colorado Rockies pitcher Kevin Slowey, has chosen this intense activity for a charitable cause, benefiting the Bombay Teen Challenge, which fights sex trafficking in India. Here's a snippet from his blog post in the New York Times:

The time for second-guessing is over. The research has been done, the miles have been hiked, the lungs have been taxed and the equipment has been gathered. In five days, I will travel via Detroit to Amsterdam, finally arriving at Kilimanjaro’s airport after a journey of 18 hours 25 minutes, and 8,674 miles. Needless to say, if you have a hard time with planes, you might want to scoot this one down your list of things to do a bit...

John Danks Gets $65 Million, Five-Year Extension from Chicago White Sox

The Chicago White Sox agreed to give John Danks a five-year contract extension worth $65 million on Thursday, keeping the starting pitcher on the South Side until 2016.

The 26-year-old lefty, who more or less sucked last season, went 8-12 with a 4.33 ERA in 2011. Obviously, this prompted general manager Ken Williams to give him an immediate $2 million raise for $8 million next season and then $14.25 million in each of the final four years of the deal. Perhaps he's crossing his fingers that Danks will return to his 2010 form, back when he won 15 games for the club.

Never mind his career 4.03 ERA... his strikeout-to-walk ratio is 3:1.

Then again, maybe the organization felt it was time to start panicking after losing their ace, Mark Buehrle to the Miami Marlins via free agency during the winter meetings. After all, Danks would have become a free agent after next season and for goodness sake, they wouldn't want that.

I mean, just look how excited he is.

[ESPN Chicago]


Speaking of the White Sox, this little fan must have been on Santa's naughty list.

Happy New Year: Most Memorable Stories in Major League Baseball from 2011

Well, we're all another year older and not a bit wiser. Can you believe it's almost 2012? Top Tens are pretty nifty and all, but we're gonna go ahead and add a few more of baseball's most memorable moments of the 2011 season, including the happy, sad, funny and unbelievable.

April 8: Manny Ramirez "retired" from baseball after getting busted cheating once again. Idiot. This happened roughly eight months before he was officially reinstated and granted a 50-game ban if any team chooses to sign his dumb ass.

Mark DeRosa Still Plays Baseball, Signs with Washington Nationals for One Year

In the midst of rebuilding with several attempts to finally become contenders in the National League East, the Washington Nationals have signed Mark DeRosa out of free agency. This isn't quite as big of news as the Gio Gonzalez trade, but we thought at least Mark deserved some credit for persuading a team to pay him to play for them.

The 36-year-old utility player spent last season with the San Francisco Giants batting .279 in 86 at bats. Not a lot of action there at all after having surgery on two separate occasions in last two years for recurring problems with his left wrist. Considering players use their wrists all the time to do all sorts of things... like hit, catch, throw, and high five, this is never good.

Oakland Athletics Trade Andrew Bailey and Ryan Sweeney to Boston... Wait, What?

Has Billy Beane completely lost his mind, or is he using his "money ball" magic to rebuild the Oakland Athletics and improve on their future?

The team traded closer Andrew Bailey and outfielder Ryan Sweeney to the Boston Red Sox on Wednesday for outfielder Josh Reddick (who looks like he's about 12) and two other prospects. This is excellent news for Boston, who was in desperate need of a pitcher to work the ninth inning since the departure of Jonathan Papelbon, who joined to the Philadelphia Phillies for four years, $50 million back in November.

Bailey, the 2009 American League Rookie of the Year, went 0-4 with a 3.24 ERA and 24 saves over 41.2 innings last year. He landed on the disabled list for the second straight season with a strained right forearm and didn't end up making an appearance until May 29, but managed to stay healthy after that.

Sweeney, who will turn 27 this February, hit .265 with 25 RBI and one home run in 108 games for Oakland last season. What an athlete.

In addition to Bailey, the A's have also gotten rid of Trevor Cahill and reliever Craig Breslow, who were traded away to the Arizona Diamondbacks early in December, just eight months after Oakland handed Cahill a five-year, $30.5 million contract. Let's also not forget about lefty Gio Gonzalez, who was sent to the Washington Nationals last Thursday.

Gio Gonzalez Deal Complete, Washington Nationals Looking Better All the Time

The Nationals are not messing around anymore. Finalizing the deal that began as just another rumor back in November, the Oakland Athletics have officially sent Gio Gonzalez to Washington in a six-player trade.

The 26-year-old lefty will join an already promising rotation and pitch between talented young right-handers Jordan Zimmermann and Stephen Strasburg, both of whom recovered from reconstructive elbow surgery and still throw mad heat. Heat like Gonzalez, whose fastball is regularly clocked at 92-95 mph when he's not attempting to perfect his 10-4 curve and changeup.

Gonzalez went 16-12 last season seeing a career high in victories with a 3.12 ERA over 32 starts. He was also selected to his very first All-Star game, so there's that. He'll be a nice addition to a team that has made some major improvements since finishing dead last in the National League East three consecutive seasons from 2008-10. Last year they managed to finish third with an 80-81 record. Maybe they'll win their division some day and make the playoffs!

While the Nationals also received minor league pitcher Robert Gilliam, Oakland landed four players in the deal: catcher Derek Norris, right-handers A.J. Cole and Brad Peacock, and left-hander Tommy Milone.

[Washington Post]

Yorvit Torrealba Shoves Face Mask of Umpire in Venezuela, Suspended 66 Games

Every player knows you can never win an argument over balls and strikes with an umpire. It just doesn't happen. Every player also knows you cannot, under any circumstances, whether intentional or not, touch an umpire. Not only can you not touch an ump, it's certainly not okay to bitch slap one right across the face.

Apparently Yorvit Torrealba didn't get that memo.

Little Girl Gets Punked by Parents, Hates Her New Chicago Cubs Pillow Pet

Hilarious video of a little Chicago White Sox fan who apparently hates the Cubs so much it makes her want to scream and cry. Enjoy.

[The Last Angry Fan]

Don't Quit Your Day Jobs Ball State Players, Which is Playing Baseball, Not Singing

The absolute cheesiness of this holiday performance by the adorable Ball State Cardinals baseball team (god we hope it's intentional) was too hilarious not to share. Enjoy... or not.

Happy Holidays everyone! We'll be back for you after Christmas.

[Big League Stew]

Prince Fielder Still a Homeless Free Agent, Where Will He Play in 2012 and Beyond?

It's a little odd that Prince Fielder is still out there on the free agent market. We thought for sure he'd be signed some time during the winter meetings, either before or after the Albert Pujols hoopla. When that didn't happen, we figured he was just being choosy.

A few different teams have been named in the rumor mill, which is full of speculation and lies. We love it.

The Texas Rangers, who clearly have the money to spend after flaunting $51.7 million for rights to negotiates with Yu Darvish and his Nippon Ham Fighters, might be a good fit for the free agent first baseman. First off, The Ballpark in Arlington is a hitter's paradise and Fielder has a huge baseball bat. Second, Mitch Moreland is not Prince Fielder.

Texas Rangers Win Yu Darvish Sweepstakes for a Ridiculous $51.7 Million

Remember the Daisuke Matsuzaka hype back in 2006 when everyone thought he invented some new pitch called the "gyroball" that defied space and time? Remember when the Boston Red Sox boasted the highest negotiation bid at $51 million, ended up signing him, and he wound up just being a normal Japanese guy who wasn't any better than John Lackey?

Yeah, so you can understand our skepticism when it comes to Yu Darvish, the newest pitching sensation to possibly hit Major League Baseball. We're not saying he's no better than John Lackey -- that would make the team who literally paid millions of dollars to simply talk with him pretty stupid -- we're just saying we hope he's worth it.

Testosterone Medication Allegedly to Blame for Ryan Braun's Failed Drug Test

We've been waiting a while to weigh in on the whole Ryan Braun deal lately, mostly because we couldn't find a credible source with any real information to cite. Now that a few semi-major news outlets have suggested the Milwaukee Brewers left fielder may have been prescribed a medication containing testosterone which made him fail one random test and then pass the second, we're gonna throw in our two or three cents.

Not that it's any of our business, but I'm sure you're wondering just like us, what possible secret ailments could Braun have that require synthetic testosterone for treatment?

The obvious conclusion for some asinine sports blogs out there is that he has herpes. Of course. First of all, page views and hits will never be so important to us that we would create a rumor that a player has a sexually transmitted disease in the hopes people will visit our site and spread the rumor... kind of like herpes. That would be stupid and irresponsible... kind of like having unprotected sex.

There are many illnesses and issues in which testosterone is used as a treatment and/or cure. Since we're too lazy to speculate, we'll just sit back and wait to see if Braun decides to share the news with the public after his appeal, if this is indeed the case. Either way, he'll most likely be suspended for 50 games to start off the 2012 season; it's still his responsibility to know exactly what he's putting into his body and to make sure it's within MLB regulations.

Herpes. How dumb.

[Big League Stew]

New York Mets Finalize Two-Year Deal with Frank Francisco

Frank Francisco has agreed to a two-year contract worth roughly $12 million with the New York Mets, who clearly think he's worth more than the $4 million he made last season with the Toronto Blue Jays. Silly Mets.

The right-handed reliever went 1-4 with 17 saves and a 3.55 ERA as the Blue Jays closer last season, his seventh in the big leagues. He had one of his better seasons with the Texas Rangers back in 2009 when he saved 25 games, but his ERA has improved the last two years.

Francisco, a 32-year-old strikeout machine, has appeared in at least 50 games in each of the last five seasons. He has 302 strikeouts since '07, which ranked in the top five among American League relievers. After the All-Star break, he was 7-for-7 in save opportunities for Toronto with a 1.37 ERA, a roll the Mets are hoping continues into next season.

He may be most remembered for an incident in 2004 when an altercation broke out in the stands of Oakland Coliseum during a game between the Rangers and Athletics. Francisco launched a chair, which happened to hit a woman right in the face and break her nose. He was arrested of course. Oddly enough, then-Rangers pitcher Kenny Rogers was also involved in the incident. Ah, those were the days.

[MLB]

Jason Kubel Joins Arizona Diamondbacks for Two Years, $15 Million

Jason Kubel has left Target Field for Chase Field, signing with the Arizona Diamondbacks on Monday for two years, $15 million. This is a nice little raise for Kubes, who made just $5.25 million last season with the Minnesota Twins.

The hard-hitting outfielder, who will now play alongside center fielder Chris Young and right fielder Justin Upton, has spent all seven of his big league seasons in Minnesota. He batted .273 with 12 home runs and 58 RBI in 99 games last year as an outfielder and designated hitter, but was limited by left foot sprain, just one of many long trips to the disabled list over his career. Regardless of his being rather injury prone, he was still a fan favorite in Minnesota.

Kubel, a career .271 hitter who will turn 30 next month, should fair well in Arizona's hitter-friendly ballpark and add some depth to their outfield rotation. Especially when he's healthy. He's expected to be the Diamondbacks' everyday left fielder, effectively replacing Gerardo Parra, while also doing some work at the infield corners.

While Parra is much better defensively -- actually he's rather outstanding and won a Gold Glove at the position last season -- I guess Kubel's left-handed bat might have a little more pop in the long run. Again, when he's healthy.

[ESPN]

Jimmy Rollins Stays with Philadelphia Phillies for Three Years, $33 Million

Jimmy Rollins isn't going anywhere Philadelphia Phillies fans, so you can pipe down now.

The animated shortstop has agreed to stick around for another three seasons to the tune of $33 million in a deal that includes a vesting option for a fourth year. Of course, the contract completion depends on a physical, which I'm sure Rollins will pass with flying colors.

The three-time All-Star and 2007 National League MVP, who became a free agent for the first time ever this offseason, has spent his entire 12-year career in Philadelphia ever since being selected in the second round of the 1996 amateur draft. Old school.

J-Roll, 33, has been one of the fan favorites for many years. When he's not turning double plays and batting .268, he can be found at a variety of charity events for the Jimmy Rollins Family Foundation which raises money to support young adults living with arthritis while also advocating the prevention of child abuse by providing a portion of charitable donations to Prevent Child Abuse.

When he's not being generous and awesome, he's hanging out with teammate Ryan Howard doing all kinds of weird stuff...

Bryan Stow Making Positive Progress Since Attack, Speaks with NBC in First Interview

Bryan Stow, the San Francisco Giants fan who was brutally beaten on Opening Day at Dodger Stadium by a couple of psychopath rival "fans" is making slow but positive progress in a rehabilitation center nearly nine months later.

Take this into serious consideration: Stow being able to write his own name last month was considered a huge stride in his recovery. That's the degree of severity we're talking about here. Really think about that. Now imagine your father, brother, or best friend in that situation. Is a baseball game that important to you? Hell no. Just thinking about it angers and disgusts me. But seeing the hope in Stow's eyes and the progress he's made overshadows that and beats it by a mile.

A paramedic and single father of two young girls, Stow was interviewed for the first time Friday exclusively by NBC Bay Area since he suffered the traumatic brain injury on March 31. This man made a living by saving others' lives, so seeing him in this state is hard to watch and incredibly heart-breaking, but realizing what a strong and determined fighter he is gives hope and promise to this terrible story.

Dynamics Changing in the American League

With the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim going all in with the ten year, $250 million deal for St. Louis Cardinals superstar first baseman Albert Pujols, the dynamics of the entire American League look to be different as the Angels will join the New York Yankees as preseason favorites in MLB betting odds.

The Angels recently signed a multi-billion dollar deal with Fox for television rights to their games which all of a sudden gave them Yankee-type power and influence that they immediately put to work with the addition of Pujols, who was an instrumental leader in the Cardinals making their near impossible run as World Series champions last fall.

Barry Bonds Gets a Slap on the Wrist, Manages to Avoid Jail Time

The Barry Bonds fiasco is finally over... at least for now.

Upon his conviction for giving "misleading testimony" (a.k.a. lying his ass off) before a grand jury investigating steroid use in sports, the Home Run King was sentenced to 30 days of house arrest, two years probation, a $4,000 fine, and 250 hours of community service on Friday. The federal judge cited his many charitable donations as part of the reason actual jail time seemed irrational.

Michael Cuddyer's Dimples Joins Colorado Rockies for 3 Years, $30 Million

A day after the Minnesota Twins signed free agent outfielder Josh Willingham to a three-year deal, Michael Cuddyer has made his decision. He's leaving Minnesota after 15 years in the organization to play for the Colorado Rockies.

The two sides agreed to a three-year, $31.5 million contract Friday, bringing a veteran bat to the lineup and a cannon of an arm to the outfield. Seriously, no one runs on Michael Cuddyer, and if they do, they are sorely mistaken. And out. A first time All-Star in 2011, the right fielder hit .284 with 20 home runs and 70 RBI last season, and had a .988 fielding percentage.

Anna Benson Tries to Trick Kris into Knocking her Up... This Show is Stupid

You'd think being obsessed with baseball and a fan of reality tv gems such as Bad Girls Club (gotta love watching drunk chicks pull each other's weaves out) would indicate that I also enjoy watching Baseball Wives. Think again.

I had never watched the show up until Wednesday when my curiosity got the best of me. Since I can't get that 60 minutes of my life back, I figure I might as well make the best of it and tell the world what a ho bag I think Anna Benson is. We've had our fun with her in the past and have been well aware of her batshit crazy tendencies ever since back when her husband Kris was relevant.

Yeah, it's been a while... which brings me to my next point. Why the hell is she even on this show? Why are any of these broads -- wife of Ron Villone and Matt Williams, ex-wives of Jason Kendall and Mark Grace (slumpbuster!) and ex-girlfriend of Nyjer Morgan -- when all of these guys other than T-Plush and Villone are retired and were never really that great anyway? Well, except for Grace. He was pretty good back in the day, and his loud mouth jibber jabber pays the bills (and the alimony) courtesy of the Arizona Diamondbacks. No wonder he got a DUI this summer.

Anyway, here's my beef with Anna. In the latest episode, she confided in Williams' wife Erika that she has stopped taking her birth control and plans to have a romantic evening with her hubby in hopes of getting knocked up. Apparently, she's discussed another pregnancy with Kris in the past and he thinks it's a terrible idea. So of course, she's going to do what any loony celebrity housewife would do: steal his sperm and make a baby without his permission.

Gross.

Josh Willingham Passes Physical, Joins Minnesota Twins for 3 Years, $21 Million

The Minnesota Twins have finalized their contract with free agent Josh Willingham, signing him to a three-year, $21 million deal on Thursday.

This plugs a nice gaping hole in the Twins outfield since they made the unbelievably brilliant move of trading Delmon Young to the Detroit Tigers last season. Furthermore, Michael Cuddyer can't make up his mind on whether to stay or go, so the team decided to take action.

Man, he looks serious in that photo. It's nice to see Willingham preparing himself for another sub-.500 season with another craptastic ball club.

The 32-year-old outfielder is expected to add some power to the middle of the lineup after batting .246 with a career-high 29 homers and 98 RBI for the Oakland Athletics last season. Ah, contract years.

Willingham is more or less the exact same player as Cuddyer, who the Twins can pretty much kiss goodbye after this signing... This is a shame for Twins fans and mildly exciting for whichever team's faithful get to cheer on his dimples next season. Adorable.

Also, Josh Willingham is damn sexy, so there's that.

[ESPN]

Aramis Ramirez Finalizes $36 Million Contract with Milwaukee Brewers

The Milwaukee Brewers finalized their three-year, $36 million deal with Aramis Ramirez on Wednesday, giving their lineup some much-needed pop for the next few seasons. The contract also includes a mutual option for a fourth year, just in case Ramirez isn't actually in the twilight of his career as we suspect.

The 33-year-old third baseman spent the last eight seasons with the Chicago Cubs, his brand new division rival and mortal enemy. However, don't expect him to take out a full-page ad in the Tribune or Sun-Times, or for any Cubbies faithful to be seen burning his jersey on Youtube... he wasn't exactly a deity.

Ramirez was a big contributor to any wins the Cubs did have though, batting .306 with 26 home runs and 93 RBI in 2011. His power at the plate is a welcome sight for Milwaukee, considering the loss of big bats Prince Fielder to free agency (and possibly to the Cubs) and Ryan Braun to an imminent 50-game suspension for suspected cheating. We'll keep you posted on whether or not he wins his appeal, which by the way, will never happen.

This seems like some kind of white flag by the Brewers, since their interest in Ramirez didn't peak (at least not publicly) until the whole Ryan Braun fiasco went down. The veteran might not exactly be a last resort, but he certainly wasn't in the middle of their radar up until last weekend. Is this a signing born in desperation, or will the Brew Crew be happy with their new hot corner?

[ National Post]

Philadelphia Phillies Boggle Our Minds, Sign Dontrelle Willis to One-Year Deal

Monday's signing of Dontrelle Willis by the Philadelphia Phillies for one year, $1 million is a bit surprising. In fact, we don't see the point in it whatsoever.

The 30-year-old lefty went 1-6 with a nice, round 5.00 ERA last season with the Cincinnati Reds, who saw just about enough of that. I mean, really. Willis is going to round out their pitching staff? It's like they're just making it rain to show off at this point.

Apparently he is expected to pitch out of the bullpen for the Phillies, which should be interesting considering he's enjoyed just three relief appearances in nine career seasons. It's not 2005 anymore guys. So not only is Willis happy to be signing with a contender of all things, he's more than likely thrilled to be pitching at all.

[ESPN]

St. Louis Cardinals Stick with Rafael Furcal and Skip Schumacker, Ditch Ryan Theriot

The St. Louis Cardinals worked on some odds and ends early this week, choosing to sign Rafael Furcal and Skip Schumaker to two-year deals and letting go of the sucky Ryan Theriot.

Schumaker signed on for two years, $3 million after batting .283 in 117 games for the reigning World Series champs last season. He went on to hit .381 in the postseason with the lone RBI in a 1-0 victory over the Philadelphia Phillies in Game 5 of the National League division series... yes, that would be the game in which Nick Punto ripped off Chris Carpenter's jersey. While Schumaker roamed the outfield on five separate occasions in 2011, the 31-year-old is most comfortable at second base, where he made 89 starts last year.

David Price Gets Mildly Pissed at Stranger Urinating on his Car

(Terrible pun fully intended)

David Price got a nice surprise on Friday as he exited 717 South restaurant in Tampa, Fl. where he was serving as a guest bartender at a charity event when he found either a deranged individual or New York Yankees fan taking a whiz on his vehicle.

The man was also taken by surprise and actually took a swing at the Rays lefty when he was done peeing on the ace's car door. Luckily, Price ducked the punch and was unscathed in the disgusting event. He had this to say regarding the matter:

"I was relieved with how it turned out."

Ah, funny guy. But seriously, what the hell is wrong with people?

Speaking of the Rays and people doing stupid shit, former Tampa Bay outfielder Manny Ramirez has been officially reinstated by Major League Baseball. All he has to do now is find a team who wants to deal with his shenanigans, serve his reduced 50-game suspension, and play ball.

[The Heater]

Ramón Hernández Inks Two-Year Deal with Colorado Rockies

Veteran catcher Ramón Hernández managed to pass a physical for the Colorado Rockies Monday morning, making their two-year agreement official and hooking up some depth behind the plate.

The 35-year-old Venezuelan backstop, who played the last three seasons with the Cincinnati Reds, enjoyed a solid season last year when he hit .282 with 12 homers and 36 RBI over 91 games. The terms of his new deal have not been disclosed due to team policy and apparently no one gives a crap enough to leak them.

Over 13 major league seasons, Hernández has played with four different organizations, not counting Colorado. The 2003 All-Star, who owns a career .990 fielding percentage, was in luck this offseason since the Rockies traded catcher Chris Iannetta to the Los Angeles Angels for right-hander Tyler Chatwood late in November. However, Hernandez will have his work cut out for him when he competes for a starting job this spring with youngsters Wilin Rosario and Jordan Pacheco.

Good luck, buddy! In other words, if you bet on sports don't bet on Hernández being the Rockies' starting catcher in 2012.

Joe Mauer is Going to Get Married... not to Us

Congratulations to Joe Mauer and his fiance Maddie Bisanz.

While some female (and male) Minnesota Twins fans may be incredibly devastated by the recent news of Minnesota's #1 bachelor being taken off the market, we are hoping Mauer's weekend engagement will fuel a comeback to the Man Muscles we know and love.

The Man Muscles who owns three batting titles and swings a bat like he means it. The Man Muscles who isn't a total pansyass and will help the Twins crawl out of the basement.

...Maddie Mauer? Adorable.

We've heard that soon-to-be or recently wed players are at their best. We're not sure whether we buy that or not, but it sure would be sweet for fantasy baseball owners of Mauer next season. By the way, here was our initial reaction to the news via Twitter.

Ryan Braun Faces 50-Game Ban for Allegedly Cheating; We Might Take it All Back

We haven't been more disappointed in a ballplayer than we are with Ryan Braun tonight. Honestly, he was one of the last players we'd ever suspect of cheating.

The Milwaukee Brewers left fielder has tested positive for a banned substance and now faces a 50-game suspension. Of course he is disputing the results and referring to them as complete "bullshit." A spokesperson for Braun released this statement Saturday evening:

"There are highly unusual circumstances surrounding this case which will support Ryan's complete innocence and demonstrate there was absolutely no intentional violation of the program. While Ryan has impeccable character and no previous history, unfortunately, because of the process we have to maintain confidentiality and are not able to discuss it any further, but we are confident he will ultimately be exonerated."

On the heels of his first 30-30 season, a synthetic testosterone was found in his system in a recent random test. A second administered test was negative, so we're awfully confused by that. If the suspension is upheld, the Brewers are totally screwed early on in the season. Especially after losing the big bat of Prince Fielder to free agency.

Over his first five big league seasons, the reigning National League MVP has averaged 36 longballs, 118 RBI and a .563 slugging percentage. If he is indeed a cheater-pants, we take back everything nice we've ever said about him. If the positive test is just a bunch of BS, then we apologize for finding the douchiest picture possible of him to go with this post.

[Daily Pitch]

Albert Pujols Gives St. Louis Cardinals Fans Some Kindling Other than His Jersey

After one hot mess of a woman was recorded setting her Albert Pujols jersey on fire in her bathrobe on Thursday, I'm sure many other distraught St. Louis Cardinals fans followed suit. However, the former face of the franchise has given them some new kindling for their burning pleasure: a heartfelt open letter via the newspaper.

Upon leaving the only team he has ever known in favor of sunnier skies and a 10-year, $254 million contract, Pujols (who stated in 2009 that "money isn't everything") demanded the attention of Cardinal Nation one last time. Along with his loving wife Deidre, he took out this full page ad on Friday in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch:

We Love Matt Moore Almost as Much as the Tampa Bay Rays Do

Matt Moore is awesome and also happens to have alarmingly perfect teeth, making him a deadly combination that is downright irresistible.

After a brief but incredibly impressive big league debut last season, the Rays have decided he's worth keeping around for a guaranteed $14 million over the next five seasons with club options that could be valued at roughly $40 million over eight years.

The heat-throwing 22-year-old lefty kicked off his major league career back in September and finished the regular season going 1-0 with a 2.89 ERA in three appearances, including one start. He went on to start Game 1 of the ALDS, in which he was lights out over seven shutout innings to beat the Texas Rangers and become the youngest pitcher to ever start and win a team’s first game of the postseason.

Moore will join a strong rotation that already includes David Price, James Shields, Jeremy Hellickson, Wade Davis and Jeff Niemann. Not too shabby, and there's no doubt these guys will remain competitive in the ridiculous American League East.

Moore was pretty shocked when the Rays approached him about the long-term commitment:

Octavio Dotel Refuses to Retire, Signs with Detroit Tigers

Reigning World Series champion Octavio Dotel has signed with the Detroit Tigers in an effort to put one more big league club on his career resume.

On the final day of the winter meetings in Dallas on Thursday, the right-handed reliever and his agent convinced the Tigers he would be of use to them before he retires. Whenever that will be.

The 38-year-old Dominican, whose $3.5 million option for 2012 was declined by the St. Louis Cardinals, will give the bullpen some depth for at least the one year he was signed for to the tune of $3.5 million. Of course, he must pass a physical first.

I'm sure he has nothing to worry about.

Dotel has enjoyed 13 seasons in the majors with 12 different teams; in 2010 he was shuffled between three teams, which is unheard of. When he takes the mound in a Tigers uniform, he will become the first player in the history of the game to play for 13 clubs. That's quite an accomplishment.

[Detroit Free Press]

Ian Stewart Heads to Chicago Cubs in Swap with Colorado Rockies

Ian Stewart is leaving the mountains of Colorado for the big city of Chicago after the Rockies traded him to the Cubs Thursday night for outfielder Tyler Colvin and infielder D.J. LeMahieu. The Cubs will also get right-handed reliever Casey Weathers.

Stewart is hoping to bounce back in 2012 after a disappointing season last year in which he batted .156 without a single home run in 122 at bats. Due to a sprained left wrist and being sent down to Triple-A for sucking, he played in only 48 games with the Rockies. He nailed 25 homers in 2009 and 18 more in 2010, so he's completely capable of handling a baseball bat. Cubs general manager Jed Hoyer thinks he'll be just fine:

Watch Out Everyone, the Prince Fielder Sweepstakes Have Officially Begun

Poor Prince Fielder. After all of the hooting and hollering over Albert Pujols, Jose Reyes, and C.J. Wilson, we almost forgot about our chubby free agent first baseman. Let's turn our attention to him for a little bit.

The former Milwaukee Brewers slugger and his agent Scott Boras are open for negotiations now that all the other big fish have been reeled in. However, they seem to be searching for a suitor who's willing to spend $200 million over seven or eight years, which is going to be tough to find since most teams out there won't be into the idea of give Fielder more than a five year contract, even though he's apparently only 27.

It's speculated that either the Miami Marlins or St. Louis Cardinals could afford to sign him, considering the ridiculous contracts both teams offered Pujols. However, the Texas Rangers might want his services to help with the imminent battle against their division rival Angels, who are about to dominate the hell out of the American League West. Count on it.

St. Louis Woman Sets Fire to Albert Pujols Jersey in Her Bathrobe

This woman has more serious issues than being sad about Albert Pujols leaving her beloved St. Louis Cardinals for sunnier skies and millions of dollars this morning. According to her camera-wielding son, it was 9:48am on a Thursday and she was still in her bathrobe. Get your life together, lady.

Los Angeles Dodgers Get Busy, Sign Aaron Harang and Trade Dana Eveland

The Los Angeles Dodgers have filled out their rotation at the winter meetings action in Dallas today, signing Aaron Harang to a two-year contract worth $12 million with a 2014 option.

The 33-year-old right-hander joins a solid rotation that already includes National League Cy Young Award winner Clayton Kershaw, Chad Billingsley, Ted Lilly and Chris Capuano, whose two-year contract of $10 million was signed just last week.

Harang was pretty good last season, going 14-7 with a career-low 3.64 ERA in 28 starts with the San Diego Padres, his hometown team. General manager Ned Colletti is pleased with the signing and says it gives the Dodgers "a veteran arm in the rotation." Funny... I was under the impression Lilly was about as veteran as you can get these days.

The Dodgers also traded lefty Dana Eveland to the Baltimore Orioles in exchange for a couple of minor leaguers: left-hander Jarret Martin and outfielder Tyler Henson.

An 18th round pick with the Orioles in the 2009 draft, Martin was 5-12 with a 4.96 ERA in 31 games with Single-A Delmarva last season, so he sucks, but Henson batted .247 with three home runs and 36 RBI with Triple-A Norfolk in 2011. So there's that.

[MLB]

Los Angeles Angels Sign C.J. Wilson for Five Years, Steal Winter Meetings Thunder

The Los Angeles Angels have had a pretty good day. In fact, they just stole the stage from the talent-hoarding Miami Marlins.

After snatching up Albert Pujols in one of the gaudiest bidding wars in the history of baseball, the Angels also snagged top free agent pitcher C.J. Wilson Thursday morning at the winter meetings in Dallas.

The left-hander will earn $77.5 million over the next five seasons in Anaheim, joining what has now become the most ridiculous rotation in the American League with Jered Weaver, Dan Haren, and Ervin Santana. Holy crap that's a lot of aces. Hopefully Wilson can figure out how to pitch in the postseason.

Albert Pujols Finally Makes up His Mind, Signs with Los Angeles Angels

Honestly, we love Albert Pujols and think he's great and everything, but we have to admit we were getting pretty sick of hearing his name and only his name above all else so far during the winter meetings. And pretty much all offseason. And during the end of the regular season when perhaps he was "playing his last game in a Cardinals uniform" every game for a straight month. Pretty sure Tim McCarver uttered that phrase at least 16 times during the World Series. That's why he's a legend, people.

The Los Angeles Angels swooped in and managed to sign Pujols Thursday morning to the tune of $254 million over ten seasons, which is absolutely ridiculous, but we all knew it would be no matter where he signed.

The Miami Marlins Are at it Again, Sign Mark Buehrle to Four-Year Deal

This is getting out of control really quick. Seriously, who the hell do the Miami Marlins think they are? And where THE HELL are they getting all this money? Man they're being aggressive.

Since signing free agent Mark Buehrle Wednesday afternoon to a four-year, $58 million deal, the team has now spent a total of $191 million on Heath Bell, Jose Reyes and now the long time Chicago White Sox ace. What is happening? If they go out and get C.J. Wilson (who might head to the Los Angeles Angels anyway but you never know) I am literally going to go into shock.

One snippet of news to bring them back down to reality with the rest of baseball: rumor has it the Marlins have moved on from pursuing Albert Pujols, who might just end up sticking around St. Louis after all of this nonsense. Of course, this probably just means they'll go after Prince Fielder. We'll keep you posted.

Buehrle went 13-9 with a 3.59 ERA last season in his 12th year with the White Sox, the only team he's ever known. He's going to be a nice addition to the already amazing starting rotation in Miami, including Josh Johnson, Anibal Sanchez and Ricky Nolasco. Not bad.

Speaking of the White Sox, they piped up Tuesday night and made a trade for closer Sergio Santos, sending reliever Nester Molina to the Toronto Blue Jays, in case that interests you.

[Sportsology]

Jose Reyes Looks Almost as Uncomfortable as We Are With the Marlins New Uniforms

The bewildered expression on his face almost reveals the fact that he can't wait until 2018 when he can finally take that god-awful thing off of his body. Make it stop, Miami.

[Sun-Sentinel]

Smokin' Hot Stove: San Diego Padres Get Huston Street from Colorado Rockies

Huston Street (best porn name in baseball, bow-chicka-wow-wow) was acquired by the San Diego Padres Wednesday for a player to be named from the Colorado Rockies.

Upon the departure of Heath Bell to the talent-hoarding Miami Marlins, the Padres found themselves without someone to shut the door on all those save situations they'll be experiencing next season. Naturally, the first team they turned to was the Rockies, who recently acquired Kevin Slowey from the Minnesota Twins for whatever reason. Clearly, Rafael Betancourt can handle himself in the ninth inning.

So, the two sides agreed that San Diego would take on the remaining chunk of Street's contract, valued at roughly $7.5 million for next season with an extra $9 million club option or a $500,000 buyout for 2013. All of this in exchange for a minor league PTBNL within the next six months, who is always hoped to be of equal value by the receiving team, but rarely is.

The 28-year-old righty went 1-4 with 29 saves and a 3.86 ERA with the Rockies last season.

We've always liked Huston Street. First of all, he's a closer and closers are hot, with a few exceptions. *cough* Matt Capps *cough* Second, he plays guitar. Everyone knows chicks can't control themselves around musicians. Third, we've never once heard him bitch about anything. We hate men who complain. The only thing that's rather fishy is that he claims to be a wine connoisseur.... not sure that we trust men who drink wine.

[Colorado Rockies]

Tim McCarver Awarded Ford C. Frick Award, You Have Got to Be Joking

Tim McCarver was awarded the Ford C. Frick award for excellence in broadcasting Wednesday morning. Pardon our French, but what the fuck is this world coming to.

[FOX Sports]

The New York Mets Have Been Busy, Make Trade with San Francisco Giants

In less than two hours on Tuesday at the winter meetings, the New York Mets made some serious moves. First, they signed free agent relievers Jon Rauch and Frank Francisco to somehow beef up their bullpen and add some much-needed depth to their situation. Then, they shipped center fielder Angel Pagan to the San Francisco Giants for outfielder Andres Torres and right-hander Ramon Ramirez. Busy, busy.

Manager Terry Collins is awfully proud of their work:

New York Mets Believe Jon Rauch Will Make a Great Reliever, Hand Him $3.5 Million

When there are players demanding upwards of $200 million for a decade of service, it's hard to take tiny deals like the one the New York Mets just made with Jon Rauch seriously. In fact, it's hard to take the Mets seriously at all.

In a move meant to "bolster" their bullpen Tuesday evening, the team signed Rauch to a $3.5 million, one-year deal. This is the Mets' first move of the winter meetings, and for their sake, it's hopefully not their last. Nothing against the 6'-11" pitcher other than the fact that he's absolutely terrible and looks exactly like a crackhead.

The 33-year-old right-hander, who began last season as the Toronto Blue Jays closer, posted a 4.85 ERA in 53 relief appearances with five blown saves in 16 opportunities.

Ageless Albert Pujols Commands Serious Dollar Signs to Leave St. Louis Cardinals

Albert Pujols and his douchey agent (we pretty much take everything bad we've ever said about Scott Boras back) have some mighty lucrative offers to consider this week: one from the big-spending Marlins, another meaning he won't need to pack a thing, and a third 10-year offer from a team which has refused to go public. Hopefully it's the Cubs.

Update: Never mind, it's just the Los Angeles Angels.

Miami reportedly met with the nine-time All-Star and agent Dan Lozano to offer a 10-year deal Monday night, upping their previous offer which was apparently less than the nine-year, $198 million the St. Louis Cardinals tossed up last spring. If he actually is the age he says he is, that would make him a 41-year-old first baseman in the National League at the end of his contract. Unless he really is a robot... either way we'll be forced to use the Old People tag on him. Of course, he'll have a shot at being a designated hitter when baseball does their whole expansion dance during Interleague contests, which will eventually occur throughout the entire season.

Minnesota Twins Trade Kevin Slowey to Colorado Rockies, Where He'll Suck

For the record, we love Kevin Slowey. Upon meeting him a few times and "interviewing him" -- using that term loosely since we all but groped him -- we will definitely miss his adorable face and unbecoming haircut at Minnesota Twins events next season.

After shopping him pretty much all season long, the club finally traded the right-hander to the Colorado Rockies for some crappy player to be named later at the winter meetings in Dallas this morning.

Terry Francona Gives Up on Life, Becomes ESPN Baseball Analyst

We had higher hopes for Terry Francona. He could have really gone places. Seen things. Helped people. Instead, he'll be joining the ESPN Sunday Night Baseball telecast in 2012.

The former Boston Red Sox manager, who has honestly put up with enough crap in his day, will be on your television Sunday evenings, sitting right alongside Dan Shulman and Orel Hershiser in the broadcast booth next season. Good times are sure to be had by all but Terry.

Minnesota Twins Give Matt Capps One-Year Deal, We LOL

Well, it's not so much that we laughed out loud... it was more like a disgusted groan. Out loud. Then we chuckled at the absolute stupidity of the deal, and our rash belief that Terry Ryan was going to do anything to point the Minnesota Twins in the opposite direction of bad decisions.

Those feelings were the aftermath of the news that the club has re-signed that fat, save-blowing sucktard Matt Capps to a one-year deal for $4.75 million. DOLLARS. Apparently they were feeling generous and even threw in a club option for 2013.

We understand Joe Nathan's are some big shoes to fill. At least they used to be. But Capps? MATT CAPPS? Haven't we been through this already? Guess not. Ryan has been quoted as saying he thinks "Capps will bounce back," which we agree with. That's what chubsters do: they bounce.

Also, Capps is not familiar with striking people out: he fanned just 34 batters in 65.2 innings last season on top of his unacceptable 4.25 ERA.

/face palm

[Hardball Talk]

Heath Bell is Not Impressed with New Miami Marlins Uniforms

Just thought we'd share this picture of recently-hired Miami Marlins closer Heath Bell rocking the new duds, courtesy of the Twitter page of our favorite Baseball Tonight anchor Steve Berthiaume.

He looks disgusted, and he should be.

Manny Ramirez Seeks Reinstatement, Ban Cut to 50 Games... Sort Of

Just admit it already. You miss Manny Ramirez and his shenanigans.

The silly former outfielder begged to be reinstated once again this weekend while his suspension for a second failed drug test was cut from 100 games to 50 since he sat out nearly all of last season. Having already suffered through a 50-game ban for violating baseball’s drug agreement back in 2009, he was supposed to serve a 100-game suspension last spring for being a complete idiot and committing a second offense. Rather than endure the penalty, he told the commissioner’s office he was quitting baseball last April.

Anyway, Manny asked to be reinstated back in September when he realized he was banned from Winter Ball in the Dominican Republic, but that apparently that didn't get him anywhere. However, Commissioner Bud Selig is all about it this time, announcing in a statement that "as a condition of his reinstatement, Ramirez will be required to resolve his outstanding violation."

Ramirez will turn 40 in May, so I'm not sure what business he even has being reinstated. Maybe he just wanted to clear his name after that whole arrest thing in September on a domestic battery charge involving his wife. Dick.

The suspension would begin with the first game he is eligible to play, making it more of a 206-game suspension if you count the final 156 games of 2011 plus the first 50 of 2012. All he needs to do is get signed. Miami, anyone?

[SB Nation]

Miami Marlins Pick up Jose Reyes for $106 Million

First of all, what the hell is going on with Jose Reyes' eyebrows? Stop it right now... Then again, I guess you can do whatever you want with your face when you're a multi-millionaire ballplayer.

The All-Star shortstop and reigning National League batting champion became the second top free agent to sign with the Marlins over the last few days, joining closer Heath Bell in the Sunshine State. Though Bell was given $27 million over three years, Reyes commanded much, much more: $106 million for a six-year contract. The deal includes a club option for 2018 that would bring his worth to around $120 million, according to an anonymous source close to negotiations.

Meanwhile, free agent whale Albert Pujols has already toured the spankin' new, $515 million retractable roof stadium in Miami. Prince Fielder, the other giant free agent still on the market, hasn't had a tour yet, but there has been a ridiculous amount of speculation that he may end up there. What are the chances one of these guys will land in Florida with Ozzie Guillen and the stupid new uniforms? Either way, this team is about to become one to reckon with, with or without those two.

Reyes followed the dollar signs out of New York after spending the last 12 years of his life in the organization. The 28-year-old signed there back when he was 16 and went on to bring home the Mets’ first NL batting title when he hit .337 with 16 triples and 39 stolen bases last season. The four-time All-Star and three-time stolen base champ, though a bit injury prone, will likely make Hanley Ramirez move from short stop to third base. Poor guy.

And poor Mets fans.

[New York Times]

Texas Trades Taylor Teagarden to Baltimore for a Guy Named Randy

Taylor Teagarden may have one of the most unfortunate names in all of baseball. It's absolutely ridiculous.

Nonetheless, the catcher was traded away by the Texas Rangers on Thursday to the Baltimore Orioles for minor league right-hander Randy Henry (never trust a man with two first names) and a player to be named later.

Teagarden didn't see much action last season, batting .235 in just 14 games for the Rangers. In fact, he hasn't seen much action at all, playing in 118 games over the last four years. You'll have that when a team already has guys like Jarrod Saltalamacchia, Mike Napoli, and Yorvit Torrealba behind the plate.

However, in that short amount of time, Teagarden has thrown out over 30 percent of runners who have dared attempt to steal a base on him. Watch out. The soon-to-be 28-year-old will be a solid backup in the unfortunate case that anything would happen to adorable backstop Matt Wieters.

Meanwhile, the 21-year-old Henry went 4-3 with a 2.22 ERA in 29 relief appearances between the Class A Hickory Crawdads and Myrtle Beach Pelicans... Minor league teams have the best mascots ever.

[Fort Worth Star-Telegram]

Ramon Santiago Gets a Pretty Sweet Deal to Remain with Detroit Tigers

Ramon Santiago took a shot at free agency but it was a little scary out there, so he came right back to the Detroit Tigers for a $4.2 million, two-year contract on Wednesday.

The 32-year-old infielder will split that salary right down the middle for each of the next two seasons, and might even get the extra playing time he's been after. That lack of playing time was part of the reason free agency didn't work out so well for him: no one was willing to offer him more time at the plate and fellow infielder Carlos Guillen will not likely be returning to the Tigers next season. However, since Ryan Raburn will be around in 2012, it looks like Santiago will have to share the middle infield anyway.

Santiago batted .260 with five homers and 30 RBI over 101 games with Detroit last season, which may or may not warrant a $750,000 raise. However, the second half of the season must have been fresh in the minds of Detroit brass since he batted .295 after the All-Star break to help lead the Tigers to the postseason. Then there's the business of how he played at second.

While Santiago has played a lot of short stop in his 10 big league seasons, last year he was also part of a four-man rotation at second base, batting .289 in 75 games starting there. But regardless of where he played or how he played, manager Jim Leyland says he's the most well-liked guy in the clubhouse:

"With his teammates, he could be the most popular player we have. I'm thrilled to have him back. He's happy with what he got and feels we were fair, and we're happy with what we gave him. It doesn't get any better than that. This is a situation in which everybody wins."

[MLB]