Chicago Cubs Sign David DeJesus for Two Years, Slowly Getting their Crap Together

David DeJesus, who we've referred to as David DeLicious on more than one occasion, has reached an agreement with the Chicago Cubs on a $10 million, two-year contract which includes a 2014 club option.

The 31-year-old free agent outfielder has compiled a .284 career batting average over nine big league seasons between the Kansas City Royals and Oakland Athletics, but we like to think of his time in Oakland (one stupid season in which he hit just .240 with 10 home runs and 46 RBI) as a transitional period into better times. It was statistically the worst season of his life.

Heading into the 2011 season with the A's, DeJesus brought with him a 241-game errorless streak, which just so happened to be the longest active streak among major league outfielders at the time. He then went on to make four errors in 250 chances to round out a nice a .984 fielding percentage. Obviously, not only is he flipping adorable, he has a pretty reliable glove. Plus he's a switch-hitter, so there's that.

While he's spent most of his career as a center fielder, DeJesus has played the corners for the last three seasons, where he's expected to play in Chicago. Spankin' new Cubs general manager Jed Hoyer had this to say about his new outfielder:

"We're very excited to sign David. He's a player who does a lot of things very well, including running the bases and getting on base, and he doesn't strike out very much. These are all areas we wanted to improve on going into next year. He's a player who's very versatile. We can work him in a lot of different spots in the lineup. Our priority was to get more balance in our lineup from the left side, and David being a switch-hitter helps us in that area."

[ESPN Chicago]

Jonathan Broxton Signs One-Year Deal with Kansas City Royals

The Kansas City Royals and Jonathan Broxton agreed to a one-year deal worth $4 million on Tuesday, gearing up the right-handed reliever to become Joaqim Soria's new setup man.

The 27-year-old chubster made $7 million with the Los Angeles Dodgers last season in the second installment of a two-year, $11 million deal, so he's actually taking quite a pay-cut. However, after being limited to just 14 games to due elbow trouble in 2011, it's not like he should have expected a raise.

The two-time All Star went 1-2 with seven saves and a 5.68 ERA before landing on the disabled list on May 6 with bone spurs in his pitching elbow that eventually required surgery on Sept. 19.

This is just the latest of a couple offseason moves by general manager Dayton Moore in an attempt to better the long-time craptastic Royals. He traded outfielder Melky Cabrera to the San Francisco Giants after a career season for lefty Jonathan Sanchez and another pitching prospect before inking free agent pitcher Bruce Chen to a $9 million, two-year deal. Baby steps.

[Kansas City Star]

Boston Red Sox Finally Choose a Manager: Bobby Valentine

Two months after flinging themselves from the playoff picture in favor of beer and fried chicken, the Boston Red Sox have found that "new voice" they've been searching for.

Bobby Valentine, whose brash personality is pretty much the complete opposite of long-time former skipper Terry Francona, was hired this week to manage the club. There are no immediate details for the contract, considering its anonymous sources, but whatever the length, we are sure we'll be highly entertained.

Before managing the New York Mets from 1996-2002, the 61-year-old spent five years as manager of the Chiba Lotte Marines in Japan, where he won a series title. With the Mets, he butted heads with general manager Steve Phillips, players, and the media on several occasions. If he wasn't criticizing the front office, he was talking crap about Bobby Bonilla or Rickey Henderson. Basically, he was just saying what everyone else was thinking. We like people like that.

Top Ten Things Babes Love Baseball is Thankful for in 2011

We're thankful for so many things. Baseball, beer, and shoes being the three most important, obviously. Oh, and family of course... but there are so many baseball-related things to be grateful for that we felt the need to compile a list and share it with all of you. No, Joe Mauer is not one of them. He's disappointed us to no end this season and really, we'd rather not talk about it. Wouldn't want him to land on the DL with hurt feelings.

10. A nice hot stove. Although Marea's favorite NFL team sucks ass this season, Sooze's is doing quite well. The best actually. But there have been other MLB offseasons in which football has not gotten us through the winter. Not even close. And it's because of the NFL's blatant disregard for happiness that we are incredibly thankful for MLB Network. Best. Channel. Ever.

9. The Dugout: The Official Chatroom of Major League Baseball. If you haven't read one of these little gems, you are totally missing out. In fact, we're disgusted with you. Just click the link.

8. Players like C.J. Wilson. Without guys like him to make fun of, this blog would be boring as hell and we probably would've given up a long time ago. Thanks, buddy.

7. The Youtubes. Thank you to all you nerds out there who tirelessly post videos of protected content that you know MLB will be taking down in just a matter of time. We enjoy them while we can.

Kansas City Royals to Give Bruce Chen $9 Million for Two More Seasons

Bruce Chen and the Kansas City Royals reportedly came to an agreement on Wednesday to keep the left-hander around for two more seasons to the tune of $9 million. What a deal.

Although the club hasn't made any sort of official announcement, some blabbermouth close to team negotiations spilled the beans. Chen is supposed to make $4.5 million in each of the next two seasons, but could earn an extra $500,000 per year in roster bonuses and another $1 million a season in performance bonuses. We'll see how that goes for him.

It's not that Chen sucks or anything. In fact, he was rather solid last season for the Royals, polishing off the year with a 12-8 record and 3.77 ERA. He's really much better now than he ever has been... we just don't trust the guy. Kind of a late bloomer, maybe. In 13 big league seasons with 10 different organizations, Chen enjoyed his best year with the Altanta Braves back in 2000 when he went 4-0 with a 2.50 ERA in 22 relief appearances. It was all downhill from there, but he seems to be getting a grip on his life in recent years with Kansas City.

However, just to be perfectly clear, we're gonna go on record that we think $9 million is a ridiculously stupid amount of money to give a guy like Bruce Chen. For crying out loud, Dayton Moore.

Grady Sizemore Gives Up on Free Agency, Returns to Cleveland Indians

Grady Sizemore tested out the free agency market for a few weeks, but returned to the Cleveland Indians on Wednesday. Right where he belongs. That sound you just heard was the collective sigh of relief from Grady's Ladies.

Just a month after the Indians declined his $9 million option for 2012, the two sides agreed to terms on a one-year, incentive-based contract. Hopefully the three-time All-Star center fielder stays mildly healthy so he can bring in more than the $5 million base salary promised by Cleveland. He can earn another $4 million for plate appearances, and if he's really good -- like American League Comeback Player of the Year good -- he'll earn another $500,000.

Last season, the 29-year-old Sizemore played in only 71 games, landing on the disabled list three times before eventually undergoing knee surgery on October 3. All in all, he has had five surgeries in just the past two years, participating in only 210 games in three seasons due to injury. Over his eight-year career with the Tribe, he has a .269 lifetime batting average.

It would be pretty sweet for Cleveland if he could actually contribute next season. All signs point to the team attempting some sort of contention, with last season's acquisition of Colorado Rockies ace Ubaldo Jimenez at the July 31 trade deadline and the offseason trade for veteran right-hander Derek Lowe for starters.

If all else fails, Sizemore could always fall back on his male modeling career. No, we're not going to let that one go.

[Daily Pitch]

Miami Marlins Acquire Wade LeBlanc from Padres for John Baker

The Miami Marlins acquired Wade LeBlanc from the San Diego Padres on Tuesday for catcher John Baker. Why? Well apparently, the Marlins needed a lefty and the Padres could use another catcher. Everybody's happy for now.

LeBlanc went 5-6 with a 4.63 ERA for the Padres last season, sucking for most of 2011 and spending some time with Triple-A Tuscon until winning three of his last four decisions. Obviously, he hopes that convincing finish will still be on the minds of the club when he tries to make the team this spring. Here and there over four seasons with San Diego, LeBlanc went 17-22 with a 4.54 ERA, including two relief appearances.

Ryan Braun Wins National League MVP, Now a Million Times More Attractive

Ryan Braun became a little hotter back in September when he officially became a 30-30 player. Nothing turns us on more than an impressive stat line.

But now that he's won the National League's Most Valuable Player award, we can hardly contain ourselves.

After helping lead his Milwaukee Brewers to their first division title in nearly 30 years, the left fielder received 20 of the 32 possible first-place votes and 388 total points from the Baseball Writers Association of America. He beat out Los Angeles Dodgers center fielder Matt Kemp, his teammate first baseman Prince Fielder, Arizona Diamondbacks right fielder Justin Upton, and St. Louis Cardinals first baseman Albert Pujols. Not a lot of chumps, so Braun should feel proud.

Baltimore Orioles to Give Matt Antonelli a Shot at Spring Training

We'd like to give you the lowdown on Matt Antonelli and his recent signing with the Baltimore Orioles.

The free agent infielder is expected to have a strong shot at making the big league squad this Spring when he competes with second baseman Brian Roberts and third baseman Chris Davis, among others, for a role in the infield.

The 17th overall pick by the San Diego Padres in the 2006 amateur draft, Antonelli played with the Washington Nationals Triple-A affiliate Syracuse Chiefs last season, hitting .297 with eight homers and 30 RBI as a utility player. The 26-year-old right-handed batter has a pretty good eye too, walking 47 times in 300 at-bats. He does have some major league experience, playing 26 games with the Padres back in 2008.

According to Antonelli's Twitter page, baseball is not his first passion. He cites "fantasy football, dancing, and directing" as his true talents. We'd like to take this opportunity to challenge him to a dance-off. He's pretty adorable, but we can definitely shake it.

Good luck buddy!

[MLB]

Young Lady Gets the Chance to Interview Curtis Granderson for Baseball Youth Magazine

When this email came across our inbox, we couldn't help but smile.

In an attempt to avoid dating myself, I'll just say that when I was Haley Smilow's age, I fell deeply in love with baseball and never looked back. Sadly, I never got the opportunity to interview my favorite player, Scott Leius. Anyway, we decided to share her interview with Curtis Granderson for Youth Baseball Magazine with all of you. It's awesome.

The 10-year-old New York City native and her family took a fun baseball trip around the Midwest this summer to seven stadiums in five states, including Miller Park, U.S. Cellular Field, Wrigley Field, Busch Stadium, Kauffman Stadium, Target Field, and Oriole Park at Camden Yards, to enjoy 26 ballgames in 31 days. Now that's a vacation.

Along with several other players, Haley had the chance to meet the New York Yankees center fielder for an interview, which was published in Baseball Youth. While we are re-printing the interview in full, we encourage you to check out the magazine, which would make an excellent holiday gift for the little baseball lover in your life.

Clint Barmes Gets a Sweet 2-Year Deal with Pittsburgh Pirates

The Pittsburgh Pirates have agreed to pay Clint Barmes $10.5 million to play short stop for them for the next two seasons.

To top that off, the 33-year-old middle infielder gets to reunite with his old manager Clint Hurdle, who he played under during his first seven seasons in the big leagues with the Colorado Rockies, where he enjoyed a World Series title in 2007.

Barmes hit .244 with 12 home runs and 39 RBI last season with the Houston Astros, and he couldn't get away from there fast enough. First of all, he wanted to play short, not second base. Second, he wanted to be on a team who didn't suck ass. Mission accomplished. For the Pirates, they get a sweet deal on a free agent middle infielder, since their pockets weren't even close to deep enough for Jose Reyes or Jimmy Rollins. Everybody's happy.

After releasing Ronny Cedeno, Pittsburgh was searching for someone to play up the middle with second baseman Neil Walker. It seems they've found what they were looking for in a guy who has enjoyed solid numbers at PNC Park: .276 with four homers in just 24 games over his nine-year career. Plus, he'll likely be looked to as a leader for one of the youngest teams in the game:

“The young talent that they’ve got and the season they’ve had last year, there’s a lot of promise and a lot of good things to come. It’s only getting better and I’m excited to be a part of it.”

[MLB]

Texas Rangers Sign Joe Nathan, Neftali Feliz Moves to Starting Rotation

Why the hell would the Texas Rangers need a closer when they already have Neftali Feliz, you ask? Well, because apparently Feliz can do what he does for like six or seven innings in a row.

While the Rangers closer will finally be making his dream move to the starting rotation, Joe Nathan will be taking over closing duties in Arlington after leaving the Minnesota Twins via free agency for a two-year contract worth $15 million, including a club option for 2014. The day before his 37th birthday.

Ty Wigginton Traded to Phillies; Jim Thome Avoids Imminent Broken Hip

Seriously, if Jim Thome was even considering playing first base for the Philadelphia Phillies until Ryan Howard got better, he had another thing coming. Like hip surgery.

The Colorado Rockies have no use for Ty Wigginton anymore, so they traded him away to the Phillies for some cash or a player to be named later. Not a bad deal for Philly though either, considering all they have to pay the guy is $2 million next season, half of his salary.

Of course, he can't be considered a full-time first baseman either, that would be a disaster. The team is planning on using a platoon of like four guys to play the position, including John Mayberry Jr. and Ben Francisco, and maybe even a little Jim Jam here and there... even though he hasn't worn a glove for like four years.

However, the beauty of Wigginton is that he can play absolutely anywhere all over the infield. He'll be a pretty nice right-handed bat off the bench and a decent replacement for anyone needing a break around the diamond.

The 34-year-old utility player, who is most definitely in the twilight of his career, produced for the Rockies until about mid-season, but finished with a .242 average, 15 homers and 47 RBI. Apparently, that is just not going to get it done in Colorado, so he's been effectively replaced by Jordan Pacheco, who is a decade younger with a better batting average. It will be interesting to see what they end up doing with that extra $2 million this winter, whether it's acquiring another arm for the rotation, or possibly going after Martin Prado to be their everyday second baseman.

[Denver Post]

Justin Verlander's Badassery Knows No Bounds; AL Cy Young and MVP in the Bag

Is there anything Justin Verlander can't do? Maybe... but probably not.

After winning the American League’s pitching triple crown by going 24-5 with a 2.40 ERA and 250 strikeouts, the Detroit Tigers right-hander officially became the Most Valuable Player of 2011 on Monday. He's the first pitcher to earn the MVP honor since Dennis Eckersley with the Oakland Athletics in 1992 and the first starting pitcher since Roger Clemens won it with the Boston Red Sox in 1986. It's been a while.

Verlander, who also earned the AL Cy Young Award last week, beat out Boston Red Sox center fielder Jacoby Ellsbury, Toronto Blue Jays right fielder Jose Bautista, New York Yankees center fielder Curtis Granderson (Verlander's preference other than himself) and fellow teammate, first baseman Miguel Cabrera. Tough competition for sure, but Verlander's season was not only memorable, it was out of control good.

The 28-year-old tossed his second career no-hitter against the Blue Jays on May 7, and went on to have the winningest season since Bob Welch went 27-6 for the Oakland Athletics back in 1990. His pivotal role in the Tigers' quest for the postseason reopened the heated debate on whether pitchers, who already have their own award, should be considered in the MVP voting at all.

Apparently the debate was not quite strong enough this season, as Verlander received 13 of the possible 28 first-place votes and 280 points over, 38 more points than Ellsbury. He's pretty pumped:

Rest in Peace, Greg Halman

Update: Police are now saying that loud music may have escalated an argument between the brothers. However, they are still trying to piece together the events of that night. We'll keep this post updated as the news comes.

Update: Prosecutors have reported that Jason Halman will be detained for another two weeks on suspicion of murder or manslaughter of his brother.

Sad and shocking news for the Seattle Mariners club this morning: outfielder Greg Halman was stabbed to death in The Hauge, Netherlands, and his 22-year-old brother has been arrested as a suspect.

Police and paramedics were called to a home in the port city early Monday morning to find the 24-year-old Dutch player bleeding from an apparent stab wound. Unfortunately, they were unable to resuscitate him.

No charges have been filed in the case and Rotterdam Police spokeswoman Patricia Wessels declined to give any further details about their relationship. However, she did issue this short statement regarding the investigation into the death of the promising young player:

C.J. Wilson May Take His Straightedge Hipster Act to Anaheim and Pitch for the Angels

As if Cliff Lee ditching the Texas Rangers via free agency in 2010 wasn't a punch in the gut, now it seems C.J. Wilson is about to be a right hook to the nuts of Arlington.

The lefty ace and his stupid hipster winter hat/groomsman get-up must be enjoying free agency an awful lot. Rumor has it after a recent trip to California, he's getting awfully chummy with the Los Angeles Angels.

Wilson has a super secret meeting scheduled with the Angels' front office for this coming Monday, which will surely be the end of what could have been a beautiful re-signing in Texas. Everyone saw this one coming, though. Not only was he born and raised in Southern California, he also trains there in the offseason and loves to call the place home. One thing he does not do in beautiful, fun Southern Cali is enjoy the nightlife. Or day-drink. Two things I would do a lot of if I lived there.

You see, C.J. Wilson is what we like to refer to as "lame." He likes to refer to himself as "straightedge" -- which was only cool in the 90s when we were like 11 and couldn't reach the liquor cabinet yet.

Never, under any circumstances, trust a man who doesn't drink. Unless he has a great story about a transvestite and a lamp shade from his last known inebriation.

Jose Molina May Be Joining the Tampa Bay Rays for Some Reason

Most definitely in the twilight of his career, Jose Molina is reportedly joining the Tampa Bay Rays for the 2012 season. Suckers.

Despite his age, the 36-year old catcher posted a career-best .281 batting average last season with the Toronto Blue Jays, but still did next to nothing with runners in scoring position. Meanwhile, Tampa Bay backstop Kelly Shoppach struggled offensively, to say the least. Actually he sucked ass, batting .176 with 11 homers and 22 RBI. Shoppach did step it up a bit in the playoffs, however, crushing two longballs and batting .400 over four ALDS games against the Texas Rangers before going home a loser with the rest of his team. Wonder why the team didn't exercise his 2012 option...

Bahamian Baseball: Beginning to Wish We Were There

It's getting to be that time of year here in Minnesota. It's flipping freezing, all the trees are naked, I still haven't raked, and it's supposed to snow like eight inches on Sunday. This sucks... So what better place to daydream about right now than the Bahamas?

According to the Caribbean Journal, the islands of the Bahamas may be in line to become the next big source of prospects for Major League Baseball. Check out this video to see how the country is turning out their young talent with the sport's growing popularity there.

[Caribbean Journal]

Cubs Introduce Dale Sveum as New Manager in Charge of Hot Chicago Mess

Dale Sveum was introduced as the Chicago Cubs’ new manager Friday morning.

Although he was apparently not good enough to manage the Milwaukee Brewers or Boston Red Sox, Sveum has being given the biggest challenge in all of baseball: attempt to end a 103-year World Series drought.

The Brewers hitting coach for the past three seasons, he rejoins old pal Theo Epstein, who he worked with in Boston as the third base coach in 2004-05. Sveum was given a three-year deal with a club option for 2015.

Mike Quade, who was barely given a chance, was canned two weeks ago so it was only a matter of time before the new front office (compiled of new President of Baseball Operations Epstein along with former Red Sox executives Jed Hoyer and Jason McLeod) found someone they were familiar with. These guys are more than confident they can get the Cubbies get out of this funk, as is Sveum himself:

Clayton Kershaw Beats out Roy Halladay for NL Cy Young Award

Kershaw Beats out Halladay for NL Cy Young

The close vote that was expected for the National League Cy Young Award never happened as Los Angeles left-hander Clayton Kershaw easily outdistanced Philadelphia’s Roy Halladay. Kershaw received 27 of the 32 first-place votes while Halladay got only four first-place votes.

Kershaw becomes the first Los Angeles pitcher to win the Cy Young since Orel Hershiser in 1988 and the eighth Dodger in history to win the award. Kershaw received 207 points which was 74 more than Halladay received. The Phillies’ Cliff Lee finished third in the voting followed by Ian Kennedy of the Diamondbacks. Kershaw led the league in wins with 21, in ERA at 2.28 and in strikeouts with 248. It was a career-best year for Kershaw who started 33 games and pitched 233 1/3 innings. He had three complete games and two shutouts. He was virtually unbeatable in the second half of the season and routinely favored in MLB baseball betting. He went 12-1 with a 1.31 ERA in the second half of the season. Kershaw went up against former NL Cy Young winner Tim Lincecum four times and the Dodgers beat the Giants in all four of those games.

Triple Crown

Kershaw actually won the Triple Crown of pitching as he had the most wins, lowest ERA and most strikeouts. Never in the history of the Cy Young award has a pitcher not won the Cy Young when he led the league in the Triple Crown categories. Kershaw had a .808 winning percentage this season and since 1956 there have only been six other pitchers who had a winning percentage that high, as low an ERA and as many strikeouts. Kershaw was 21-5 this season and he did that for a Los Angeles team that was basically average as the Dodgers finished 82-79. If you take out Kershaw’s wins the Dodgers would have been awful in MLB baseball betting. And it is not like Kershaw got a lot of help from the Los Angeles offense as the Dodgers scored four runs or less in 11 of his 21 wins.

Houston Astros to American League, MLB Screws Things Up Adds Two Wild Card Teams

People are terrified of change. It's part of human nature. Look at NFL fans - scared, confused, and alone until like Week 4 before they get the hang of the two or three rule changes that happen every single season.

But we're not pessimists by nature. We're glass-half-full type of gals. So we're just gonna roll with Bud Selig's recent announcement and hope for the best.

Baseball's owners unanimously approved Jim Crane as the new Houston Astros' owner Thursday morning, which means the team will say goodbye to National League rules and move from the six-team NL Central to the four-team American League West as part of his agreement to buy the club. Now everything is even-steven with six five-team divisions all through baseball.

Clayton Kershaw Wins National League Cy Young Award

Clayton Kershaw is the proud recipient of the 2011 National League Cy Young Award. We all saw this coming.

The 23-year-old Los Angeles Dodgers left-hander and his disgusting curveball received 27 of the 32 possible first-place votes from the BBWAA to earn the honor. He snagged the pitching Triple Crown by leading the NL with a 2.28 ERA and 248 strikeouts and tying Ian Kennedy for most wins with a 21-5 record. Not bad.

Kershaw, whose previous best for victories was a meager 13, crushed it during the final two months of the season, going 8-0 with a 0.96 ERA over his final nine starts. He was was 5-0 against the defending World Series champion San Francisco Giants, but even more impressive was his 4-0 mark with a ridiculous 0.30 ERA in head-to-head matchups with 2008 and 2009 Cy Young winner Tim Lincecum. Especially badass at Dodger Stadium, he went 12-1 with the lowest home ERA in the big leagues at 1.69.

San Diego Padres Give Mark Kotsay Another Shot for $1.25 Million

Apparently, Mark Kotsay is not done playing baseball.

For whatever reason, the San Diego Padres feel Kotsay will be able to contribute to their outfield situation... because he's certainly not going to do anything for their run-scoring situation. Anyway, he's one of the few big leaguers to more or less beg to play there:

"There was no secret that I wanted to come back and play here... At this point, all signs pointed to coming back to San Diego. It's tied to multiple things. My family is here and it gives me a chance to be part of an organization that's growing. I still have multiple friends in this organization. I even think the clubhouse staff is still the same. I'm excited."

I'm sure you are.

Kotsay was with the team from 2001-03, where he never really did anything spectacular. The 35-year-old, who has bounced around seven different organizations during his 15-year career, is a .278 lifetime hitter.

He took it up a notch with the Milwaukee Brewers during his attempted comeback season last year and batted .270 with three home runs and 31 RBI. Good luck, buddy!

[MLB]

The Los Angeles Dodgers are About to Make Matt Kemp Rich as Hell

Matt Kemp and the Los Angeles Dodgers are on the brink of a ginormous deal that would keep him with the team over the next eight seasons for $160 million.

This would mark the richest contract in the Dodgers' long history, making the All-Star center fielder one of the highest-paid players in the game. LA wooed right-hander Kevin Brown away from the San Diego Padres for a record $105 million, seven-year contract back in 1998, but we all know how that worked out... Awesome for Kevin.

Kemp, 27, led the National League with 39 home runs and 126 RBI to end the 2011 season. Sadly, he finished with the third-best batting average at .324 behind NL batting champion Jose Reyes and second-best hitter Ryan Braun to let the Triple Crown slip away.

Apparently, the two sides are still working on some finishing touches. While the Dodgers declined to comment, Kemp had this to say regarding his sweet new deal:

“We’ve still got a little bit more to go, little more things to work out. Hopefully I’ll be a Dodger for years to come.”

[ESPN]

Justin Verlander Crushes AL Cy Young Award Voting, MVP May be Next

The announcement that Justin Verlander won the American League Cy Young Award on Tuesday was no surprise to anyone, including the BBWAA voters, who were unanimous in their decision. All 28 first-place votes.

His reaction to receiving the honor was met with the question of whether he will also nail the Most Valuable Player Award:

“Do I think it’s possible? Yes. Would I like to win it? Of course. It’s kind of a weird scenario... I'm so different from everybody”

Well, at least he's modest.

No starting pitcher has been named MVP since Roger Clemens back in 1986, with Dennis Eckersley being the the last reliever to get it in 1992. While lots of people believe pitchers shouldn't even be on the MVP ballot since they already have their own award for outstanding performance, seasons like Verlander's might change their tune.

The 28-year-old right-hander (along with his 100mph heater and ridiculous slider and curveball) won the pitching Triple Crown, leading Detroit to its first division title in over two decades with 24 wins, 250 strikeouts, and a nice 2.40 ERA. Not bad.

While that's impressive as hell, the AL MVP crowd includes teammate Miguel Cabrera, along with the likes of former Tigers outfielder Curtis Granderson, Jacoby Ellsbury, and Jose Bautista.

Oddly enough, Verlander said that if he didn't get the honor, he'd like to see Granderson get it. Not Cabrera.

[Detroit Free Press]

St. Louis Cardinals Hire Mike Matheny to Replace Tony La Russa

Mike Matheny is dusting off his vast baseball knowledge and putting it to use with one of his old teams.

The 41-year-old former St. Louis Cardinals catcher was hired as the team's new manager Monday morning, replacing long-time skipper Tony La Russa. He's got some big shoes to fill, but catchers reportedly know the game better than anyone so we think he has a shot.

Matheny, who has been called a born leader by many of his former teammates and managers, played for the Cardinals from 2000-04, winning three of his four Gold Gloves there along with a World Series Championship. Unfortunately, his career came to an abrupt end in 2006 due to repeated concussions.

Matheny was one of six guys St. Louis interviewed to replace La Russa, including Terry Francona. So as adorable as he is, it's a little surprising he was hired considering the zero managerial experience he has.

We will say this: he didn't look half as terrified and confused as Robin Ventura did during his press conference.

[Viva El Birdos]

Jonathan Papelbon to Join Philadelphia Phillies Already-Awesome Pitching Staff

As if the Philadelphia Phillies didn't already have one of the best pitching staffs in all of baseball, they added Jonathan Papelbon to the mix Friday afternoon.

The two sides came to an agreement with the former Boston Red Sox closer reportedly worth somewhere in the ballpark of $50 million over the next four seasons. Since he was a Type A free agent, the Boston Red Sox will receive a first-round pick from the Phillies as compensation. Considering the vesting option which the contract apparently includes, Papelbon could make more than $60 million, which would be the biggest package deal ever signed by a reliever. Bigger than the $47 million, five-year contract the Toronto Blue Jays handed B.J. Ryan in 2005, this agreement even eclipses Mariano Rivera's $15 million a season, currently ranking as the no. 1 all time ridiculous amount of money given to a closer.

Papelboner, who will turn 31 later this month, holds the record for Red Sox saves with 217 over just seven seasons. Although the team never did offer to re-sign him this season, he shot down long-term extension suggestions from Boston in the past, in hopes of a more lucrative free agent deal, which was a pretty good move if a guy has zero commitment to his team:

"I want to see what's out there for myself. This is my job, it's professional baseball, man. You try and get the best deal you can. At the end of the year, it'll be a business decision."

While the majority of his memories in Beantown will be pleasant ones -- a World Series title in 2007 and four All-Star appearances -- his last time out with the club was Game 162 in Baltimore where he blew a one-run lead in the ninth inning, allowing the Orioles to walk off with the win and polish off the greatest single-season collapse of all time. Ah, memories.

[Boston Herald]

Wilson Ramos Rescued, Psycho Kidnappers in Custody

A little more than 48 hours after Wilson Ramos was kidnapped by four gunmen from his native Venezuela home, he has been rescued.

The Washington Nationals catcher was brought to safety Friday evening, and escorted back to his family wearing a bulletproof vest after he was found by police commandos in a mountainous area roughly 40 miles northwest of his Valencia, Venezuela hometown. According to Justice Minister Tareck El Aissami, three people were arrested, one of them a Colombian "linked to paramilitary groups and to kidnapping groups."

The shaken 24-year-old had this to say about his ordeal and the eventual rescue operation:

Pat Burrell is Undecided on Whether or Not to End His Career

Oh, Pat Burrell.

It sounds like the outfielder's career might be coming to an end.

Burrell had mentioned late in the season that he would toss the idea of retirement around if he wasn't able to return to full strength, with that right foot of his giving him all kinds of trouble. Although he has yet to make an official decision, he did have this to say on Thursday:

Jorge Posada Won't Be Wearing Yankees Pinstripes in 2012

Jorge Posada has a big choice to make. Either retire and ensure his entire 17-year career is spent in New York Yankees pinstripes, or move on to another team and continue to play the game he loves. Whatever choice he makes, we think this Ballplayers Anonymous guide we created back in 2007 for Randy Johnson, Curt Schilling, David Wells, Barry Bonds, and Kenny Rogers will likely help.

For the long time backstop, now 40 years old, there's no going back to New Yankee Stadium as a member of the home team. In fact, he says "there's not even a percentage of chance" that he can come back. Russell Martin took over immediately last season while Posada became designated hitter with one year remaining on a $52.4 million, four-year deal. The switch-hitter struggled against lefties and was batting just .165 back in May when he was dropped to no. 9 in the batting order, which was apparently the last straw as he asked to be taken out of the lineup, saying he wasn’t ready to play. However, he recovered and managed to hit .235 with 14 homers and 44 RBI in 2011.

Please Don't Hurt Wilson Ramos; Young Nationals Star Kidnapped in Venezuela

Update: A little more than 48 hours after his abduction, Wilson Ramos has been rescued by police commandos.

Update: The car used in Wilson Ramos' kidnapping has reportedly been found in the town of Bejuma, about an hour's drive west of Ramos' home outside the city of Valencia.

Wilson Ramos has been kidnapped in his hometown of Valencia, Venezuela Wednesday evening.

The 24-year-old Washington Nationals catcher traveled home for the offseason and was planning on participating in a few winter ball games with Tigres de Aragua beginning Thursday, until this horrific event took place.

According to multiple news reports out of Venezuela, four armed psychos entered the Ramos family’s house Wednesday night around 6:45pm and took him while he was hanging out with his father and brothers. They put him in a green vehicle and sped away. At this point, Ramos’s family has not had contact with the kidnappers, who likely are seeking money in return.

Many of the kidnappings that take place in the country involve armed men driving their victims around until they are awarded cash before returning them. Our thoughts and prayers go out to Wilson and his family and friends while we pray for his safe return and justice against his captors.

Lance Berkman is Having an Emotional Affair with the Houston Astros

Lance Berkman is all up in the Houston Astros' business, a team he spent 11 seasons with before being traded to the Yankees in July of 2010. He headed back to the National League as a free agent last December to join the Astros' bitter rivals, where he won himself a big fat World Series ring. So, why does he care what happens in Houston?

Simple. He just can't stop loving them. He's like a married man having an emotional affair with his ex-girlfriend. Sure, he loves the cushy life of a World Series Champion, but he yearns for that special kind of love only a high school sweetheart can offer... but not enough to leave.

San Francisco Giants Dump Jonathan Sanchez on Kansas City for Melky Cabrera

The Kansas City Royals changed up their rotation a bit on Monday, trading away outfielder Melky Cabrera to the San Francisco Giants for starting pitcher Jonathan Sanchez. Believe it or not, this guy is an improvement considering the Royals owned the third-worst combined ERA in the American League in 2011.

Not coincidentally, this move makes room on the roster for hyped-up center field prospect Lorenzo Cain. To sweeten the deal, the Giants also threw in Ryan Verdugo... a Double-A pitcher no one has ever heard of.

Lenny Dykstra Bitches Out, Pulls a No-Show in Jose Canseco Boxing Match

As I'm sure you are aware, Jose Canseco's brain has almost completely melted due to repeated steroid use and advanced egomania. However, he has just enough brain cells left to hit other fighters, random celebrities, and former ballplayers in the face during what could be referred to as "MMA" bouts.

A match between the former Bash Brother and everyone's favorite hot mess Lenny Dysktra was scheduled for November 5 and was actually going to air on Pay-Per-View. Anyway, that didn't happen because Nails didn't bother showing up. I hope all ten people planning on watching got their $19.95 back.

The former Phillies/Mets outfielder, who is a total disaster and is currently enjoying a stay in a rehab facility in Los Angeles, claims he was never actually scheduled to fight Canseco. This, despite being paid $5,000 ahead of time on Thursday, with another $10,000 coming after the match. Former manager Dan Herman, who quit on Friday after confirming that Dykstra was paid a portion of his purse in advance, had this to say in the aftermath:

"I grew up idolizing Lenny Dykstra but it was all a lie."

Cuban Defector Yoennis Cespedes Demands Your Attention with Outrageous Video

Talented Cuban center fielder Yoennis Cespedes defected this summer in the hopes of becoming an MLB free agent. Now, since his agent and trainer made this spectacularly ridiculous video, he is bound to be signed by the team with the best sense of humor, if not for his power at the plate and outfield prowess.

There are no words... just watch for yourself:

Jim Thome Signs One-Year Deal to Mash More Taters with the Philadelphia Phillies

It looks like Jim Thome has a little gas left in the tank after all.

The 41-year-old designated hitter signed on with the Philadelphia Phillies on Friday for one last season to the tune of $1.25 million, his second reunion with a former team after leaving the Minnesota Twins last season in August to end the year with the Cleveland Indians, the club he began his career with in 1991. Of course, he must pass a physical first.

Jim Jam joined the 600 Home Run Club this season with the Twins, but that group of sucktards was not going to get him anywhere near a World Series, the only thing missing from his illustrious two-decade Hall of Fame career.

Thome played in Philadelphia from 2003-05, and has remained buddies with Phillies manager Charlie Manuel, who was his hitting coach back in Cleveland. In fact, he refers to Chawley as his "second father."

CC Sabathia Gets Ridiculous $30 Million, One-Year Contract Extension from Yankees

Rather than test the free agent waters, CC Sabathia has decided to stick around the Big Apple.

And why wouldn't he, if the richest club in the big leagues is going to give him an extra $30 million to do so?

The husky 31-year-old lefty was awarded an extra year to his existing contract with the New York Yankees, totaling $122 million over the next five seasons. He had until midnight to opt out of his current agreement, which had a meager $92 million remaining over the next four years. That's $23 million annually, including a hotel suite on trips, a no-trade provision and the right to buy tickets... and likely all the buffet action his unhealthy little heart desires.

Since agreeing to a $161 million, seven-year deal with New York prior to the 2009 season, the ace has gone 59-23 with a 3.18 ERA during the regular season. He has this to say about his hefty extension:

"My son loves it here. All my kids love it here. My wife loves it here, obviously, and I do, too. I love pitching for the Yankee fans and everything, so it was the easy choice. It was just more time. That’s all it was. It was never a question about money or anything like that, I just want to end my career here. I want to make sure I end my career as a Yankee and, hopefully, I’ve done that."

[New York Daily News]