Ervin Santana No-Hits the Cleveland Indians

Congratulations to Ervin Santana on pitching his first career no-hitter against the Cleveland Indians Wednesday for a 3-1 Halos victory.

It wasn't pretty, but he struck out 10 and allowed only two base runners all day. Erick Aybar committed an error on the very first batter, totally screwing up the perfecto, but Santana walked Lonnie Chisenhall in the eighth anyways so I guess it wouldn't have mattered. He never did give up a hit, though. Pretty big deal.

CC Sabathia is a Big Fat Strikeout Machine

CC Sabathia, or Captain Cheeseburger as we so fondly call him, was an absolute beast on the hill Tuesday.

The New York Yankees left-hander struck out a career-high 14 Seattle Mariners in his team's 4-1 victory, providing the Mariners with their 17th straight loss and himself with his 15th win on the season.

Sabathia flirted with perfection, not allowing a base runner until Brendan Ryan singled with one out in the seventh inning. And he fanned seven guys in a row at one point... just filthy dirty. Then he got a little tired I guess, cause he walked the first three batters of the following inning before being lifted for David Robertson... who struck out four more Mariners.

Jonny Gomes is Sporting a Nationals Jersey

The Cincinnati Reds traded Jonny Gomes away to the Washington Nationals Tuesday in return for two minor leaguers, leaving the door wide open in Cincinnati's outfield for former first-round pick Yonder Alonso.

The struggling left fielder was batting just .211 with 11 home runs and 31 RBI headed into Wednesday night's game against the Florida Marlins. His reaction to the trade:

Rangers Crush Twins with 20-6 Demolition

The Minnesota Twins headed down to Texas to take on the smoking hot Texas Rangers Monday for a three-game series. They got their asses kicked like a little league team in game one.

In all fairness, scoring six runs should be good enough to win a ballgame. Unless the other team scores 20 and you're forced to put your right fielder on the hill in the eighth inning after using up all your pitching staff.

After five innings, the Rangers were dominating the Twins by a score of 18-1. Twenty-seven hits later, fans in Arlington were chuckling at the scoreboard that read: "No Wave Warning. Doing the wave is safe at pro football games and Miley Cyrus concerts. Children doing the wave will be sold to the circus."

Twins fans got a treat in the eighth inning when Michael Cuddyer dashed out from the bullpen, becoming the first Twins position player since 1990 to pitch in relief. It wasn't pretty, but after two hits and a walk that loaded up the bases, he got of the jam and gave his team one more chance for a comeback. Four grand slams oughta do it!

Welcome Back, Chipper Jones (False Alarm)

Chipper Jones is the kinda guy where you either love him or hate him. Since we more than love him, his coming off the disabled list is excellent news. You're just going to have to bear with us through this short welcome back post.

The Atlanta Braves third baseman returned from his 15-day trip after convincing (and perhaps lying to) the Braves organization, saying that he no longer feels that nagging "discomfort" in his right knee that more or less comes with pushing 40.

Can the Mariners Get their Crap Together?

We mentioned last week how much the Seattle Mariners were sucking at baseball, and after an entire weekend, that is still the case.

Generally, records and milestones are pretty awesome accomplishments. In the 43-58 Mariners' case, the record they set on Sunday is rather embarrassing. The club suffered a franchise-worst 15th straight loss upon a 12-8 rout by the Boston Red Sox that afternoon, etching this particular team's name into the Seattle Museum of Suckdom.

What's that Sucking Sound? Oh, it's Just the Mariners

While the Texas Rangers just finished enjoying a nice 12-game winning streak, the Seattle Mariners are on the complete other side of the spectrum.

The Mariners lost their 11th straight game Wednesday night at the hands of the Toronto Blue Jays by a score of 11-6, their 15th loss in 20 games. This marks their longest skid since back in 2008 when they dropped 12 consecutive games... which isn't looking like it's going to be the record.

Things were looking up right away in the first inning when the M's loaded the bases off Brandon Morrow with no one out, but of course, failed to score. They've managed five runs in back-to-back games now for the first time since June 2 and 3 - both of which they won against the Tampa Bay Rays - but it apparently wasn't enough against the Jays.

Let's see if Seattle can manage to halt this streak of suckiness, or tie their all-time record for consecutive losses. I'm gonna go with the latter this afternoon, only because Doug Fister is on the hill against Ricky Romero, who's had career luck against everyone in the order other than Ichiro... which goes without saying.

[Sweet Spot]

Jim Thome is About to Go Yard and No One Cares

*except the good folks of Minnesota and Cleveland.

Of course, I'm a Twins fan at heart, but I appreciate each and every club in Major League Baseball. All 30 of them. Even the Yankees. So, if there was a 40-year-old man just four home runs shy of joining the elusive 600 home run club playing in a Marlins uniform, I'd still be way interested. But if the guy was playing for a bigger market team, would it be a bigger market deal? Would more people care? Would there be a Sportscenter countdown?

Um, yes.

The Rangers are Hotter than Texas

Holy crap the Texas Rangers are out of control right now. And that's pretty awesome for Arlington, considering they are holding just a five-game lead in the American League West.

The 56-41 Rangers put another game between themselves and the division rival Los Angeles Angels Tuesday night, extending their winning streak to 12 games with with a 7-0 victory. This marks their longest streak since back in 1991 when the team won 14 straight.

One highlight? Alexi Ogando tossed eight beautiful, scoreless innings for his tenth win of the year. The righty surrendered just four hits while fanning five and walking three to lower his ERA to 2.72. Darren Oliver then worked a scoreless ninth to wrap up the victory.

Meanwhile, Josh Hamilton went 3-for-5 with a home run while Adrian Beltre and Endy Chavez each contributed two hits and two RBI. Business as usual.

The Rangers will attempt consecutive win no. 13 this evening in the second contest of their three-game series against the Halos in Anaheim with Derrek Holland on the hill facing Dan Haren at 10:05pm ET.

[Lone Star Ball]

...we totally jinxed them.

Roy Halladay is a Hot Mess

Roy Halladay left his team's 6-1 loss to the Chicago Cubs Monday evening in a dizzy, light-headed daze. Heat exhaustion.

I don't know about all you, but I've been holed up in the air conditioning of my home for the past few days. You honestly couldn't pay me to throw a heater... mainly because I live in Minnesota and I've been bred to withstand temperatures literally 130 degrees colder than this.

Unfortunately, Halladay is paid to throw heaters, so he didn't have much of a choice but to start Monday night in the 91 degree humid Chicago air. Yuck. He lasted until Starlin Castro led off the fifth inning with a single and was promptly replaced by Drew Carpenter.

It's all good though, since the Phillies' ace should be ready to go for his next start. Drink plenty of water Roy!

[Yahoo!]

Roger Clemens Lives to Suck Another Day

First and foremost, we missed you. Marea and I have both been incredibly busy with life. Clearly, we've had time to watch, read about, and obsess on baseball, just not even close to enough time to write about it. Anywho, glad to be back.

Roger Clemens, who we love to hate and hate to talk about except when it's really important or super hilarious, is one lucky son of a biotch. Turns out the prosecutors in charge of his perjury case are complete and utter morons.

U.S. District Judge Reggie Walton declared a mistrial Thursday after prosecuting attorneys totally effed things up by showing the jurors some evidence against the court's orders on just the second day of testimony. Basically, the jurors may or may not have been swayed regarding their opinions on the credibility of Andy Pettitte, who was probably quite looking forward to testifying against his old buddy and former teammate.

Therefore, the judge decided Clemens, no matter how big a d-bag he may be, deserves a fair trial so he rescheduled a hearing for September 2 in which they'll figure out whether or not to hold a brand spankin' new trial.

/legal mumbo jumbo.

So.... is The Rocket gonna go to jail ever or what? I just want to see him publicly humiliated some more.

[Sports Illustrated]