Lance Berkman is Having an Emotional Affair with the Houston Astros

Lance Berkman is all up in the Houston Astros' business, a team he spent 11 seasons with before being traded to the Yankees in July of 2010. He headed back to the National League as a free agent last December to join the Astros' bitter rivals, where he won himself a big fat World Series ring. So, why does he care what happens in Houston?

Simple. He just can't stop loving them. He's like a married man having an emotional affair with his ex-girlfriend. Sure, he loves the cushy life of a World Series Champion, but he yearns for that special kind of love only a high school sweetheart can offer... but not enough to leave.

With all this realignment business making it's way into baseball, if one were to choose an NL team to move, it would naturally be from the six-team Central. And what better club to move than the Astros, who owned the worst record in baseball last season? Most Texans nowadays are Rangers fans anyway. Then again, the Milwaukee Braves Brewers are the ones who moved to the NL in the first place, and maybe they should go the hell back to where they came from. Obviously, the chosen organization would be stuck in the AL West, which has only four teams. Fair is fair, as they say.

Berkman had this to say at a recent press conference for his exclusive memorabilia deal with Houston-based TriStar:

"The only thing that would have made winning a world championship better is if we would have done it here I still consider myself a Houston Astro even though I’m not playing for them anymore. That’s been the most gratifying thing is that there are so many people who seem genuinely happy that I was able to win a World Series. You almost feel like you won it for a lot of people and they shared in it."

Hmmm... watch out for those pronouns buddy, the parade was in St. Louis, remember? When asked about the potential move, he got all bent out of shape:

"I think it’s a travesty, it’s a National League franchise. I think if they were going to do something like that, Milwaukee’s the choice to go back to the American League; they’re historically an American League franchise. It’s a shame, I think, that Bud Selig is probably going to make that be sort of a condition of the sale. I don’t like it. Even when I retire and live here in Houston, I don’t want to go watch American League baseball. I’d like to have a National League team."

Cause... AL baseball sucks, or what pal? He ended his presser with this ridiculous statement:

"Now I can just ride off into the sunset and say that there’s nothing on the baseball field that I haven’t done."


[Houston Chronicle]

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