Jose Canseco to Fight Senior Citizen

Jose Canseco has gone from former bash brother to wanna-be prize fighter. In the three bouts he's been in, he's gone 0-2-1: there was the priceless knockout by Vai Sikahema, the ass-kicking via Hong Man Choi, and the inevitable draw with Danny Bonaduce.

His next fight should be a doozy. This time, he's going up against former University of Arkansas Little Rock head baseball coach, Gary Hogan, who is in damn good shape for a 60-year-old man.

They Say Good Things Come In Threes

Badassery abounded in triplicate last night for Mariners' tradebait hurler Cliff Lee and Twins centerfieder Denard Span.

Lee pitched his third complete game in as many tries, defeating the World Champion Yankees. Despite giving up two homers to Nick Swisher, Lee pitched his little heart out to go all nine last night. He was lights out against A-Rod, who went 0-4 last night, and issued just one walk - his first in thirty eight innings - to drive up his trade value before the deadline. It was his fifth complete game of the season, which is hard to come by these days.

Morneau is in Justin Bieber's Wolfpack

I'm sorry, but this made me laugh super hard. Thanks to @anniekiecker for re-tweeting this gem.

Of course, RandBall beat us to the Bieber punch[line]: If the Twins walk up to bat tonight to Justin Bieber songs.

Half of Phillies Infield on the DL

Sucky news out of Philadelphia today: the Phillies just lost half of their starting infield to injury.

Second baseman Chase Utley and third baseman Placido Polanco have both landed on the 15-day disabled list, with a sprained right thumb and sore left elbow, respectively. They have both been sent back to Philly to get checked out and see exactly how long they'll be out of commission.

Utley jammed his thumb while trying to stretch a single into double during the fourth inning of his team's 7-3 loss to the Cincinnati Reds Monday night, but remained in the game until the ninth inning, when he was replaced by a pinch hitter because his thumb was tender.

Jason Heyward Finally Lands on DL

The Atlanta Braves and Jason Heyward have finally come to the realization that his pesky thumb injury, which he's been dealing with for over six weeks now, is not going to heal on its own.

The rookie right fielder sat out for a third straight game Monday before an MRI revealed a deep bone bruise in his left thumb. His average has slid all the way down to .251 in the midst of his 1-for-16 slump, but I'm sure it's kinda hard to play baseball with a busted digit.

After being placed on the 15-day disabled list, Heyward had this to say:

We're doing the best thing, I believe. Right now is a good opportunity to get it done, get the rest done, get the strength back so I'll be able to come back the second half.

The National League's Rookie of the Month for April and May should be eligible to come off the DL during the All-Star break, July 12-14. Sadly, this means All-Star festivities are pretty much out the question, even though he leads NL rookies with 11 bombs and 45 RBIs.

Matt Diaz, fresh off thumb surgery, has been activated from the 15-day DL to replace Heyward in the outfield. Diaz hit .313 with 13 longballs for the Braves last season, but was batting just .178 on May 15 before going under the knife.

Get well soon, Jay Hey!

[USA Today] | [Braves Blast] | [Fantasy Knuckleheads]

Justin Morneau: Pumping Iron with Grizzly Bears

Get Well Soon, Joel Zumaya [Video]

After throwing a 99-mph heater to Delmon Young in the eighth inning of the Detroit Tigers' 7-5 win at Target Field Monday night, Joel Zumaya fell to the ground, clutching his elbow and wincing in pain.

Even his catcher Gerald Laird, who was 60 feet away behind the plate at the time, said he heard a pop. Zumaya was then helped off the field, and more information should be available shortly. However, it doesn't look good so good for the Motor City's Guitar Hero.

Update: According to the Associated Press, ZumZum is out for the season. The team has recalled reliever Casey Fien from the AAA Toledo Mud Hens; the righty will be on hand in the bullpen for game 2 against the Minnesota Twins.

Can't We All Just Get Along?

It looks like dugout spats are all the rage these days. The Tampa Bay Rays are the latest team to join the quarrel bandwagon. After losing Friday to the Diamondbacks and Edwin Jackson's no-hitter and dropping 7 of their last 10 games, they've dropped to third in the AL East.

Let's not forget they've also had a perfect game thrown against them as well, so getting squashed by a few no hit games, plus losing like crazy had to start getting to them sometime.

Take Me Out To The Ballgame!

Ok, BLB readers. I know I've mentioned this before, but it is definitely worth mentioning again. Last week, I took a ride on the TwinsTrain, and I have to say, I am impressed. There's nothing like going to cheer on your team on another team's turf, even if they do get their asses handed to them like the Twins did in Milwaukee this past week. Yuck.

I just had to give Scott, the owner of TwinsTrain, a huge thumbs-up for arranging such an awesome trip. It's hard enough to find tickets, lodging, transportation, parking, food... etc., when you are trying to plan a baseball trip. I should know.

White Sox Cruise, Big Z "Misunderstood"

The Chicago White Sox are absolutely crushing it lately, cruising to their 11th consecutive victory with a 3-2 win over the struggling cross-town Cubs Saturday.

With one out in the eighth, Paul Konerko nailed his 19th homer of the season off reliever Andrew Cashner to break the 2-all tie and lead the Sox to their 11th straight win -- the club's longest streak since back in 1961 when they won 12 games in a row -- and 15th of their last 16.

J.J. Putz got the W with a scoreless eighth after Freddy Garcia went seven innings, surrendering eight hits with five strikeouts. The Cubs wasted a decent outing by Carlos Silva, who gave up just three hits over six innings, walking one and fanning four.

The Sexytime Pornvano Stache

We're fairly certain Carl Pavano's mustache has magical powers.

The Minnesota Twins right-hander, who is now 9-6 with a 3.33 ERA on the season, three-hit the Mets Saturday afternoon for a 6-0 shutout in his second consecutive complete game.

You may also find his two hits and sacrifice impressive, which helped to end the Twins' four-game skid.

On the other side of the ball, former Twin and adulterer Johan Santana struggled early. Joe Mauer, Jason Kubel and Delmon Young all drove in runs in the first by laying off that sneaky changeup. Denard Span added an RBI double in the fourth before Kubel homered off Fernando Nieve in the ninth to hand the Mets just their third loss in 16 games at Citi Field this season.

Thank you, Sexytime Pornvano Stache.

[MLB] | [Twinkie Town] | [Knuckleballs Blog]

Good Job, Billy Wagner

There's something about a grown man who calls himself Billy...

But a closer who records 400 career saves can call himself whatever he wants in our book. Billy Wagner earned that right Friday evening after saving the Atlanta Braves' 3-1 win over the Detroit Tigers. This marks his 15th save of the season, highlighted by a 5-0 record and an impressive 1.19 ERA.

All Good Things Must Come to an End

The Texas Rangers 11-game winning streak came to a screeching halt Friday when the Houston Astros beat them 7-4.

The good news is, Josh Hamilton's hitting streak is still alive and extended to 19 games. In a row. The outfielder had three more knocks in the game, but it wasn't enough to keep his team rolling.

The 44-29 Rangers' last suffered defeat on June 11 when the Brewers beat them 6-2 in Milwaukee, kicking off their 15-game stretch against NL opponents.

The game was actually pretty exciting: Ian Kinsler was ejected by plate umpire Eric Cooper after flipping his bat, helmet and shin guard on a called third strike; there were not one, but two Rangers errors on one play, and manager Ron Washington got pretty wound up when a fastball from reliever Alexi Ogando knocked Cooper to the ground. It was kind of a mess.

The Rangers will try to start another streak during game two of the three-game series against the Astros Saturday afternoon at 3:05pm ET.

[AP] | [Hamiltonism] | [Nerds Guide to Baseball]

Carlos Zambrano Flips the Hell Out

Carlos Zambrano has clearly lost his mind. The Chicago Cubs fired-up right-hander was suspended indefinitely by general manager Jim Hendry after going batshit crazy during a confrontation with teammate Derrek Lee in the dugout Friday afternoon.

Things got heated right away during his team's 6-0 loss to the cross-town White Sox, as Big Z threw a giant hissy in the middle of the first inning, never to return to the mound... or the stadium... or possibly the organization.

Way to Go, Edwin Jackson!

Edwin Jackson just finished tossing the second no-hitter in Arizona Diamondbacks history, against his former team, the Tampa Bay [Devil] Rays.

It may have taken the right-hander 150 pitches through a sloppy performance that included eight walks and six strikeouts at Tropicana Field, but he shut down a tough Rays line-up by a score of 1-0. Adam LaRoche provided the offense with a solo shot in the top of the second off Jeff Niemann, who threw a two-hitter a couple weeks ago against the Toronto Blue Jays.

Johan Santana Cheated on His Wife

I am not impressed with New York Mets pitcher Johan Santana. At all. Not to generalize, but seriously, when will (a lot of) male athletes start to show some respect for their marriages?

Here's a snippet of the exclusive from TMZ...

TMZ has learned New York Mets star pitcher Johan Santana was accused in a police report of sexual battery that allegedly went down on a Florida golf course ... but the case went nowhere...

Law enforcement sources say DNA evidence did prove there was intercourse, but, according to a Sheriff's document, the prosecutor concluded, "There was not enough evidence to prove lack of consent, the alleged victim's statement is not consistent with other witnesses." The case was closed out on December 8, 2009.

I am so grossed out right now. In fact, I hope his wife Yasmile, was sleeping with the pool boy. Your thoughts?

[Sherrif's Document]

***Speaking of the Twins and mustaches... check out RandBall's Evolution of the Pavstache, which we like to refer to as the Sexytime Pornvano.

2010 All-Star Game Commercial

Whew!

Oh, Chipper! You answered Sooze's plea!

This evening, Chipper Jones held an impromptu press conference by his locker by saying: Somehow the cork got taken out. Well, I'm putting it back in right now.

Tee hee.

Say It Ain't So, Larry Wayne Jones

Chipper Jones may be keeping quiet about a possible early retirement, but we can all see it coming.

Yesterday, the former man of my dreams (yes, replaced by Man Muscles) met with Atlanta Braves manager Bobby Cox, general manager Frank Wren and team president John Schuerholz to discuss his future with the club.

At 38 years old, the third baseman has struggled on and off with random injuries and has made it apparent that he's pretty frustrated with the way he's played since winning the 2008 National League batting title with a .364 average.

Jones, who is under contract through 2012, is owed $28 million over the next two seasons, which would buy a pretty sweet fishing boat.

Strasburg Named NL Player of the Week

Stephen Strasburg was awarded the National League Player of the Week honors on Monday.

Not bad for his first week on the job.

The Washington Nationals’ hard-throwing rookie sensation is 2-0 with an obscene number of strikeouts (22) and a 2.19 ERA in his first two big league starts.

Jeff Neimann Allows Two Hits Too Many

By the time word got around that Jeff Niemann was throwing a no-hitter through six innings, he had already allowed a sharp liner to Toronto Blue Jays shortstop Mike McCoy for the first hit of the evening.

But the Tampa Bay Rays right-hander was lights-out anyway. He managed to come away with his third career shutout after surrendering just one more hit to designated hitter Adam Lind to lead of the seventh, and never let anyone past first base all night during the 9-0 victory.

Just ask Vernon Wells, whose 14-game hitting streak was squashed by Niemann on Tuesday:

He’s a tall young man. He’s deceptive. He can pitch. He didn’t make too many mistakes. When you’ve got that kind of stuff and you’re not making mistakes over the middle of the plate, you’re not going to give up many hits.

Stephen Strasburg is an Animal

We really don't care that it was against the Pittsburgh Pirates, who some may call a sub-par team. No disrespect intended, of course. Stephen Strasburg's big league debut impressed the crap out of us.

The 21-year-old righty allowed just two runs on four hits, including a shot by Delwyn Young in the fourth, Tuesday evening at Nationals Park. The highlight? He struck out an incredible 14 batters and walked no one through 94 pitches. In fact, the young phenom fanned every single Pirates batter at least once, including the final seven he faced.

Good Luck, Stephen Strasburg!

2009's #1 draft pick, Stephen Strasburg, is making his highly anticipated big league debut tonight. We've never been so excited about a Nationals game. Ever.

Good Luck, Li'l Stevie!

Love, BLB

Stay Classy, Philadelphia

Fans running onto the field.

Grown men vomiting all over little girls... on purpose.

And now, finally, little boys slamming beers.

It's been an exciting season so far at Citizen's Bank park, and one can only wonder what is coming next. Whatever it is, I hope to see it reenacted on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

Kung Fu Timmy Jim Caption Contest

We love this picture, and we think you should caption it. The winner will receive a BLB t-shirt and a virtual high five. Ready, go.

What's That Sucking Sound?

Oh, it's just the Arizona Diamondbacks.

Coming off the worst road-trip in franchise history with an 0-9 record capping a 10-game skid, the team managed a walk-off home victory Friday against the Colorado Rockies.

And it's not like this is the first time they've sucked all season. The D'Backs 20-34 start marked the second-worst in the team's 13 years in the league, one-upping only the 17-37 record that kicked off their inaugural 1998 season. Those were the days.

Dave Trembley Canned By O's

After nearly three seasons, Dave Trembley has finally been put of his misery. The [former] Baltimore Orioles manager was fired this morning after President of Baseball Operations Andy MacPhail realized his team was slipping into oblivion yet again.

The Orioles are headed toward their 13th consecutive losing season, sporting the worst record in all of baseball. The team is now sitting at 15-39 after an 0-6 road trip in which they were outscored 34-8 by the Toronto Blue Jays and New York Yankees.

Third base coach Juan Samuel was appointed interim manager by MacPhail, the guy who hired Trembley (187-283 with the O's) to replace Sam Perlozzo back in June of 2007.

Best of luck to you, Juan! You might need it.

[USA Today] | [Baltimore Sports Report] | [Orioles Cards]

Corvettes Make Everything Better

Armando Galarraga may have been robbed blind of a perfect game Wednesday evening, but General Motors has helped him heal the pain.

The company decided that the Detroit Tigers righty's 28-out perfecto was impressive enough, and presented him with a spankin' new 2010 red Chevy Corvette convertible on Thursday. That's a pretty badass consolation prize. What the hell kind of car would he have gotten if he really had pitched a perfect game?

Also, Galarraga officially won't have to buy his teammates gifts of appreciation, since Commissioner Bud Selig has decided to let the pure element of human error stand. Maybe he can take them all for a spin instead.

[Huffington Post]

Bryce Harper is a Badass

After doodling in the dirt upon a called third strike, soon-to-be first overall pick Bryce Harper was ejected from the Junior College World Series and suspended for two games.

Check it out.

[USA Today] | [Nationals Enquirer]

Screw You, Jim Joyce

Armanda Galarrago was just one out from making history: his very first perfect game (which would've miraculously marked the third of this season and the 21st ever) with two down and Jason Donald at the plate.

Sadly, first base umpire Jim Joyce called Donald safe on a bang-bang play, and the Detroit Tigers righty will now have to settle for a one-hit shut out by a score of 3-0 over the Cleveland Indians, regardless of his perfect performance and a ridiculous, Willie Mays-style game-saver by outfielder Austin Jackson that marked the first out of the ninth.

Ken Griffey Jr. Retires After Two Decades

Ken Griffey Jr. has retired from Major League Baseball after more than two decades of amazingly steroid-free baseball.

Okay, technically it was parts of four decades, considering he played in the 80's, 90's, 00's and 10's.

The 40-year-old Hall of Fame shoe-in has enjoyed 13 All-Star appearances, 10 Gold Gloves, seven Silver Slugger Awards, the 1997 MVP honor, and won the Home Run Derby on three different occasions.

The Marlins Finally Sell Some Tickets

The Florida Marlins have figured out a way to sell some tickets finally... but they still won't fill the seats. You now can own your very own piece of history - a ticket to Roy Halladay's perfect game against the Marlins from Saturday night. One might wonder why the Marlins would want to sell and celebrate the inability to get a hit or a walk. The answer is simple: they can make a few bucks off of it.