Take Me Out To The Ballgame: Ballpark Etiquette

On Monday, I was at a ballgame and my brother-in-law, Jeff, said, "You know, you should write a post for BLB about ballpark etiquette." And I said, "Yeah, maybe I will." Well... After going to another game this weekend, I realized this post has now become a necessity. Baseball fans, please take note of the following dos and don'ts when it comes to heading out to the ballpark.

In the parking lot/ramp:
DO: Pull into the parking space quickly, yet safely. Exit your car and either set up your tailgate area without intruding on traffic, or head into the gates while walking out of the way of the cars and fans trying to park and do the same.

DON'T: Stop and ponder taking a space, then slowly move forward, then stop at the next available space, ponder, then move on, and so on and so forth. Especially, DO NOT stop and then back into a parking space, then pull back out, straighten your car (but most likely giant truck rather than car) out, and then re-back into the space. There are like 50 people waiting behind you, man.

At the gates:
DO: Have your tickets in hand and ready to be scanned.

DON'T: Get to the front of the line then fumble in your giant purse or fanny pack trying to find your tickets. Also, lose the fanny pack. Shame on you.

When walking along the concourse:
DO: Walk with your head up, being observant of your surroundings and be courteous of your fellow fans.

DO: Walk to the right of the concourse. It's like when you're driving, stay on the right side, the left side is for the people going the other way. Unless you're in England, in which case you're probably at a soccer, er, football, game.

DO: Make room for the handicapped and small kids. Wheelchair-bound fans already have it hard enough trying to maneuver through the crowd without people blocking their way, and those little kids would appreciate not losing their mommy or daddy in the sea of people.

DON'T: Stop abruptly in the middle of a busy walkway. The guy/gal behind you probably has 2 beers, 4 hot dogs, a pretzel, and scalding hot cheese in a cup, and when you stop they will most likely run into you and spill these things all over themselves and/or you. Nobody likes to wear cold beer and hot cheese. Well.. I'm sure you can find people who do but they're probably not at the ballgame.

In the food lines:
DO: Know what you're planning on ordering by the time you get to the front of the line, and have your money/credit card out and ready.

DON'T: Cut in line. It didn't fly in elementary school and it's still not cool when you're a grown up.

DON'T: Stand near the line making it look like you're the end of the line, but you're really just trying to figure out where the bathroom is.

When it comes to clothing:
DO: Wear your favorite t-shirt/jersey/pants/shoes/socks/underpants with your team's logo.

DON'T: Wear the shirt you got when your team won the world series when you were 7 when you are 30 and much taller and/or fatter than you were back then. Chances are, that shirt doesn't fit anymore. This is only acceptable when you're a super smokin' hot chick who had a larger t-shirt as a kid and it fits just right as an adult, at which point, by all means, rock that shirt, girl!

In the seats:
DO: Wait for a break in the action before walking to your seat and blocking people's view/making them get up for you to get by.

DON'T: Knock someone's beverage over when going back to your seat, look at it and the person, then keep moving. At least apologize. (Yeah, I'm talking to you rude guy from Monday's game. You know who you are.)

DON'T: Throw your peanut/sunflower seed shells directly on someone's stuff. Unless they are a fan of the opposing team and they are in your ballpark. If you are a fan of the opposing team and toss shells on the stuff of a home team fan, you just gave permission to get your ass kicked.

For the fans:
DO: Root root root for the home team! Unless you are visiting another park and your team is playing. Then you have permission to root root root for the visitors.

DON'T: If you are cheering for the visitors, do not tell the home team fans how much they suck or how much their team sucks. Even if they do. Countries have gone to war over less.

Side note for fans:
If you have a rockin' mullet, DO: Proudly swing it back and forth in the breeze for all of us to enjoy every once in a while. But DON'T: do it onto the beer that's in the cup holder behind your chair. Ew. Nobody wants your mullet in their beer.

Now, go enjoy the game!


Anonymous said...

Thanks for the info. Priceless.

Rachel said...

If you knock someone's beverage over, the best thing to do is find out what they're drinking and buy them another one.

During the game: DON'T stand up in the middle of an at-bat to hold up your beer and wave to a friend who's sitting in another section. This will lead to everyone behind you yelling "Sit down, douchebag!" as the guy sitting several rows in front of me experienced Friday night.

Rachel said...

Also! If you're walking through the concourse and want to stop and have a conversation with a friend, DO move off to the side so that you are out of the way. DON'T stop and stand in the middle of the concourse, blocking traffic.

Sooze said...

DON'T accidentally cover your daughter's head in mustard. ;)

therattrick said...

Perfect article. Same goes for the other sports as well!

Also, if you're rooting for the visiting team, who might actually be worse than the home team, don't be infantile id you end up losing. It happens. Grow Up!

Donna said...

Love this, Sooze. Thanks for the laughs. Here's one from about 12 years ago, at Candlestick Park.
If I am 8 1/2 months pregnant & have a superhero-caliber hypersense of smell, DON'T order the garlic fries and endless brews if you're sitting in the seat next to me as we head into August, and then DON'T look pissed when I casually mention that the stench is going to make me puke, probably on you. Because you should know better, jackass.

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C said...

don't, i repeat DON"T bring stupid freakin' beach balls to the stadium. (I'm talking to you fellow Dodger fans. )

I will pop them, I don't care if your children cry, we're here to watch a game, and if you didn't bring them a coloring book or other stuff to do if they are bored, its not my fault.

shannon said...

DON'T do the wave. It was fun back in the 1980s, cheesy in the 1990s, and is totally lame now. And honestly, I don't want your chili dog landing in my hair and on my crisp white jersey when you stood up to participate as if came through our section.

Marea said...

I realize after reading the comments I totally left out some very important pieces, like the wave. Shame!

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