So Close, Yet So Far

The Detroit Tigers have decided that they'd rather not see Gary Sheffield hit career home run #500 while wearing their uniform.

The club released the hard-headed, nine-time All-Star on Tuesday, just days before he has the opportunity to because the 25th player to reach the milestone. Sheff said he wasn't shocked, but was surprised by his release,

"To do this when somebody is one home run away... I don’t know how to react to it."

Be Still My Heart

Chipper Jones and the Atlanta Braves have inked a three-year, $42 million contract extension through 2012, including an option that could make the deal worth up to $61 million over the next four seasons. This can pretty much guarantee that the 36-year-old hot corner will enjoy his entire playing career in a Braves uniform.

Last season's NL batting champ is due $10 million this season along with a $3 million signing bonus.

A six-time All-Star, Chipper's .310 career batting average ranks second among switch-hitters, just behind Hall of Famer Frankie Frisch’s .316. His 408 career homers trail only Mickey Mantle (536) and Eddie Murray (504) in longballs by a switch-hitter, but he's the only switch-hitter with at least 300 home runs and a .300 career batting average.

Long story short, he's awesome.

[AP] | [Talking Chop] | [Sports Crack]

D-Train Derailed Again

The Detroit Tigers announced on Sunday that lefty Dontrelle Willis had been placed on the disabled list with an anxiety disorder. So they sent him to Detroit. I don't know about D-Train, but that's the one city in this country that makes me the most anxious. Scary.

Medically speaking, there are six different kinds of anxiety disorders, but Willis said Monday that he's not sure which one he has. He actually isn't even sure if he has an anxiety-related mental illness, something that many Americans (who aren't big league pitchers) suffer from -- and recover from -- every day.

Season Previews: Pittsburgh Pirates

Now that it's Spring, it's time for one of our favorite things in all the world: Season Previews. Two years ago, they began as a serious analysis and ended up as half-assed haiku. We're just gonna go with what we know. Moving right along with our preview of the National League Central, we give you: the Pittsburgh Pirates.

First things first: Signing
Rinku and Dinesh made me
a huge Pirates fan.

"We Are Family!"
Remember '79?
I saw Game 7…

…on Netflix! Go Bert!
30 years since that Series
Bucs haven't been since.

Such great history--
Wagner! Clemente! Stargell!
The future… LaRoche?

Sixteen losing years
It can't get any worse…right?
Oh, famous last words.

You Throw Like a Girl

A five-foot, 114-pound teenager made history in Japan Friday, becoming the first ever female professional baseball player in the country.

Eri Yoshida, a 17-year-old Kobe 9 knuckleballer, made her debut during the team's season opener against the Osaka Gold Villicanes Friday in the spankin' new, four-league Kansai Independent League. She walked the first batter on four pitches to lead off the inning and allowed a stolen base before fanning the next guy swinging.

ESPN's Rob Neyer seems more than a little threatened by the underage schoolgirl in his March 27th article.

Continue reading and rate this story at Fantasy Pros 911.

There's the Webb We Know and Love

Brandon Webb pitched six efficient innings Thursday -- hands-down his best Cactus League outing of the spring -- giving up a run and five hits over six innings. He worked his curveball and used his changeup to strike out four, walking one as the Arizona Diamondbacks beat the Chicago White Sox 3-1.

Entering the game with an 8.18 ERA, we were seriously beginning to wonder who this impostor was and what he did with the real Brandon Webb. Good to have him back.

[Arizona Republic] | [AZ Snakepit] | [The Scores Report]

Spring Fever: Lowe Dominates Again

It looks like the Atlanta Braves have themselves a new ace.

Derek Lowe struck out seven Toronto Blue Jays in six impressive innings Thursday, allowing just one run on five hits without walking a batter. This outing lowers his spring ERA to 3.27, giving the right-hander 24 K's over 22 innings. Way to go, buddy!

If They Build It, Will They Come?

I think we can all agree that Dolphin Stadium is a giant piece of crap that has passed for a ballpark for 19 years now pretty out-dated.

The Florida Marlins won't have to deal with it for much longer, though. The team jumped through the final hoop Monday, after 10 years of trying to get their own ballpark in Miami. The 13 people on the Miami-Dade County commission voted 9-4 to approve the multi-million dollar deal.

Sayonara, Blowhard

Curt Schilling just knows you're going to miss him something fierce, so he's said goodbye in blog form over at his soapbox, 38 Pitches. The first line of his entry?

"Turn out the lights the party’s over..."

God, what a dork.

The 42-year-old pitcher retired Monday with "zero regrets" after an illustrious career in which he snagged three World Series rings: one with the Arizona Diamondbacks back in 2001, where he enjoyed the World Series MVP honor, and two with the Boston Red Sox. Most memorably, aside from the whole Game 2 bloody sock fiasco, would be the simple fact that the Sox hadn't won the World Series in 86 years up until 2004. And he got to be a part of it.

Continue reading and rate this story at Fantasy Pros 911.

Chin Music for Manny

Apparently, Manny Ramirez's hamstring isn't too sore to try his hand at cricket. So if you're Los Angeles Dodgers owner Frank McCourt, does this tick you off? Well, $45 million says it might, and probably should.

The always-entertaining left fielder went to a park in Gilbert, Arizona for a photo op to have some fun and promote DIRECTV's "Cricket Ticket" package with Australian cricket star Shaun Marsh. Of course, he ended up taking some shanks as well.

Continue reading this story on Fantasy Pros 911.

Happy St. Paddy's Day!

In the spirit of St. Patrick's Day, we'd like to share a few [really lame] limericks with you before we get too hammered to type. Feel free to play along in the comments. We love your work!

There once was a team of Dutch
Who liked to play baseball and such
No one thought they could
So they beat DC real good
But don't like Matt Lindstrom too much

We learned from Big League Stew
That Lincecum has the flu
So he'll lay in his bed
With his face turning red
From a fever that just won't do.

Manny is now in LA
But he hasn't been getting to play
His shoulder is sore
So he must rest more
And the Dodgers will still have to pay


Enjoy your green beers and check out this Barry Bonds limerick over at Wild Captive Woman.

Pudge May Finally Have a Home

Ivan Rodriguez is almost officially a Houston Astro. The two sides are reportedly nearing a $1.5 million, one-year contract, according to some random anonymous person familiar with the details.

The negotiation could also contain $1.5 million in performance bonuses (based on games played and plate appearances) which is a nice price for Houston, who is looking at replacing Brad Ausmus after the backstop became a free agent and signed on with the Los Angeles Dodgers.

Among the Astros, the Minnesota Twins, San Francisco Giants and Florida Marlins -- where he enjoyed a 2003 World Series Championship -- have also shown interest in the catcher. The only problem with most of those options is that Pudge refuses to be anybody's backup.

"It’s very important for me [to be a starter] because I feel good enough to play every day," he said. "I feel very good, ready to play a whole season."

A deal with the 37-year-old veteran could help the 'Stros, considering they have all of ONE victory so far this Spring. The old school backstop has been tearing it up with Team Puerto Rico in the World Baseball Classic, going 9-for-15 with two home runs and six RBIs in four games. He hit .276 with 7 homers and 35 RBIs over 115 games between the Detroit Tigers and New York Yankees last season, boasting a .993 fielding percentage with 620 putouts and just 5 errors on 6 passed balls. Not bad for an old man.

[Houston Chronicle] | [The Crawfish Boxes] | [MLB Rumors] | [Astros Dugout]

Get Well Soon Hamels

Bad news out of Clearwater, Florida today: Cole Hamels is scheduled to leave training camp this afternoon and fly home to have his left elbow examined by team physicians.

The Philadelphia Phillies star lefty and 2008 World Series MVP has experienced what the team is calling "persistent soreness in his elbow," but claim it's nothing to worry too much about.

Hamels, 25, went 4-0 with a 1.80 ERA in five postseason starts last October, making his first Grapefruit League start this past Wednesday. He pitched in an intra-squad game Sunday without reporting any pain or discomfort over the four innings of work. He describes the problem as a feeling of tightness in his elbow between innings and after he’s done pitching for the day.

Hamels actually avoided the disabled list for the first time in his 8-year career last season, so hopefully for Philly, it really is nothing.

[MLB] | [The Zo Zone] | [Balls, Sticks and Stuff]

That Was Pretty Weak

I wasn't the only fan hoping for a bench-clearing brawl Sunday night during the World Baseball Classic, was I? I would have even settled for a minor dust-up. Instead, I got nothing but some shouting, chest-pounding and a feeling of disappointment in my heart.

With a six-run lead over the Netherlands in the eighth, Team USA's closer Matt Lindstrom gave up a leadoff homer which Bryan Engelhardt absolutely crushed. The native Curacaoan took a nice, long gander at the team's first and only longball of the tournament before jogging lightly around the bases. Not cool.

Continue reading and rate this story at Fantasy Pros 911.

Season Previews: St. Louis Cardinals

Now that it's Spring, it's time for one of our favorite things in all the world: Season Previews. Two years ago, they began as a serious analysis and ended up as half-assed haiku. We're just gonna go with what we know. Continuing on with out preview of the National League Central, here we go: the St. Louis Cardinals.

Strong starters are back
Chris Carpenter and Wainwright
Need to stay healthy

Cardinal no more,
Itzuris an Oriole
Khalil Greene at short

Pujols still at first
Would not play against DR
In pre-season game

[Viva El Birdos]
[Cards Clubhouse]
[Cards Cove]

Say It Ain't So, Bernie

A Public Relations woman filed a complaint early this morning against former New York Yankees All-Star center fielder Bernie Williams, claiming he hit her while she took his picture at a club.

Just hours after his Puerto Rican team beat the Netherlands in the World Baseball Classic, Williams [allegedly] grabbed the camera, smashed it and smoked her in the face around 2:30am Thursday at a San Juan nightclub.

Police are investigating the incident, but neither Williams nor Puerto Rico's manager, Lou Melendez, care to comment. However, I'm sure it will come up when they face Team USA in the WBC's second round this Saturday at Dolphin Stadium.

[AP] | [The Fowl Balls] | [Deadspin] | [Bootlegger Sports]

All Fun and Games Til Someone Dies of Cancer

Boston Red Sox closer Jonathan Papelbon stands by his recent comments from an Esquire magazine interview, in which he compared former teammate Manny Ramirez to cancer of all things.

"Manny was tough for us," Papelbon said. "You have somebody like him, you know at any point in the ballgame, he can dictate the outcome of the game. And for him not to be on the same page as the rest of the team was a killer, man! It just takes one guy to bring an entire team down, and that’s exactly what was happening."

Blah Blah Steroids: Hot Tub Party!

In an attempt to spoil our Spring happiness, Brian McNamee has come forward with more "news" (i.e. self-deprecating confessions) regarding the never-ending Roger Clemens' steroid scandal.

He injected him with an illegal substance in a hot tub.

Not just any hot tub, but the sacred hot tub in Yankee Stadium. Another time (July or August of 2001) McNamee claims he shot up The Rocket in the pitcher's high-rise Manhattan apartment.

Continue reading and rate this story at Fantasy Pros 911.

What's That Sucking Sound?

Oh, it's just Kyle Kendrick.

The Philadelphia Phillies righty surrendered eight runs on 10 hits over three innings Wednesday during the team's 12-10 loss to the Atlanta Braves. Four of those runs came on a pair of two-run shots by Clint Sammons.

Who? Exactly.

Say so long to that fifth rotation spot, Kyle. The 24-year-old was competing with Chan Ho Park, J.A. Happ and Carlos Carrasco to be the #5 man, but after an outing like that, it might not matter who the competition is. Kendrick has three more shots to prove his stuff this Spring, including a start this Monday against the New York Yankees.

Kendrick has never faced the Bronx Bombers. Good luck, guy.

[MLB] | [The Good Phight] | [Phillies Nation]

Joba Bounces Back

New York Yankees fans can stop stressing over Joba Chamberlain. He's remembered how to pitch.

Rebounding from 2 shoddy starts, the Bronx righty allowed one run on three hits over three innings in his team's 7-1 victory over the Cincinnati Reds Tuesday night. Chamberlain fanned three batters, throwing 20 of 29 pitches in the strike zone. His fastball was even back up to speed, clocked at 96 mph.

Joba surrendered seven runs on four hits and walked four spanning one inning in his first two starts this Spring. What's worse is that he gave up five runs, one hit and four walks -- without recording an out -- against Team Canada last Thursday.

That's a Record

In a rematch of Saturday's World Baseball Classic upset between the surprising Netherlands and the heavily-favored (yet apparently over-paid) Dominican Republic, Ubaldo Jimenez was nothing short of lights out.

During the battle for a spot in the second round, the Colorado Rockies righty set a new WBC record, striking out 10 batters and allowing only 2 hits over 4 innings. The former record of eight was set by Japan's Koji Uehara in 2006. Impressive really isn't the word since he was facing a bunch of Class-AA hitters, but hey. Ten K's are 10 K's.

Too bad the Dominicans couldn't muster more than one run, losing to the Dutch 2-1 in 11 innings. We're sorry your fantastic performance was over-shadowed by your sucktastic teammates, Ubaldo. We won't forget how awesome you are.

The Netherlands will go on to play Puerto Rico on Wednesday for Pool D's top seed going into the second round. We're still in shock.

[Denver Post] | [Baseball Musings]

Circle Me Bert

Bert Blyleven has once again proven he belongs in the Hall of Fame, if only for his stellar performance as the Kingdom of the Netherlands pitching coach during this year's World Baseball Classic.

The former Minnesota Twins curveball specialist, in his first year as a WBC coach, has put together quite the miracle. Most of these guys are virtual unknowns who have no shot at pitching at the major league level as far as we can tell. They're Class-AA hurlers at best. Sidney Ponson for crying out loud.

Yet somehow, the Dutch rotation and bullpen have allowed a combined 6 runs on 23 hits over their last three contests, holding the Dominican Republic to just 3 runs over two games. The Dominican Republic. The WBC's radically over-paid team, now eliminated in the first round.

Circle me, Bert.

For a far more detailed description of why Blyleven belongs in the Hall, check out Joe Posnanski's blog.

[Bert Belongs]

Season Previews: Houston Astros

Now that it's Spring, it's time for one of our favorite things in all the world: Season Previews. Two years ago, they began as a serious analysis and ended up as half-assed haiku. We're just gonna go with what we know. Moving right along with our preview of the National League Central, we give you: the Houston Astros.

They survived Ike but
how long can they last with that
starting rotation?

Miguel Tejada
learned not to lie under oath
he will tutor Bonds

LaTroy has played for
all other teams, so its on
to team USA!

Second spring shutout
time for a closed-door meeting
Cecil is grumpy

Fat Elvis, Berkwell
2008 All Star, or
just the Big Puma?

Pudge needs employment
Astros need a catcher, but
not a “poor teammate”

How much to expect
in a juice box formerly
known as Enron field?

[Crawfish Boxes] | [The Astros Dugout] | [Sports Justice]

Man Muscles Needs a Rub-Down

Minnesota Twins backstop Joe Mauer has been bothered by back pain recently and seems to need me to travel to Fort Myers, Florida to give him a back rub.

Seriously though, the trouble is that the discomfort is hampering the All-Star catcher's rehab from December kidney surgery. This is not good. The reigning American League batting champ will undergo an MRI Tuesday, where doctors will basically inject his back and stomach area with dye and take an x-ray to see if they can pinpoint the issue.

Mike Redmond, the Twins’ backup catcher who will likely start the season opener if Joe is not up to par, started against the Tampa Bay Rays Monday. He went 0-for-3, dropping his spring average to .091... he doesn't usually suck that bad. Get well soon, Man Muscles!

To see a Joegasm in action, click here!

[Pioneer Press] | [Nick & Nick] | [Spring Training '09]

The Sad, Sad Tale of Eric Gagne

Eric Gagne's toilet-ridden career is not quite at Mike Hampton proportions, but it's still pretty unfortunate.

The Milwaukee Brewers reliever has been released in order to rehab his poor shoulder in Tempe, Arizona at a private training facility.

Gagne, a non-roster invitee to Spring Training, was hanging on to a minor league contract with dear life before his shoulder began to feel sore again. This time, he chose to tell his trainer rather than suck beyond sucking once the season started.

Continue reading and rate this story at Fantasy Pros 911.

Season Previews: Cincinnati Reds

Now that it's Spring, it's time for one of our favorite things in all the world: Season Previews. Two years ago, they began as a serious analysis and ended up as half-assed haiku. We're just gonna go with what we know. Moving right along with our preview of the National League Central, we give you: the Cincinnati Reds.

Jay Bruce is the man
Bronson wails on his guitar
Please put your leg down

Cordero: bad ass
Using one name for one line?
Encarnacion!

Micah Owings: yum
Brandon Phillips is so fast
Junior up and left

Jonny Gomes: no H
Joe Morgan is a homer
Poor Jacque Jones can't play

Dusty Baker: meh
Taveras likes to steal bags
But not hit homers

Spring Fever: WBC Dominance

We've seen this sort of thing before during All-Star games. It's unsettling, unnerving, and just plain wrong. Yet, there's something about Yankees and Red Sox players high-fiving eachother that pulls on the heart strings. It's opposing sides united for the cause. It's a beautiful thing.

Even youngster Dustin Pedroia is in on it, hanging a poster of Derek Jeter’s deodorant ad in his locker.

Chipper Better Be Your Starting Hot Corner

Anyone who knows anything about me knows that I've been head-over-heels for Chipper Jones' sweet swing since I was 12 years old. ...That sentence may have dated me a bit since I was introduced to his bat his rookie season on TBS while he was called up to replace Rafael Belliard for one or two games at short, the year the Braves lost the World Series while I furiously waved my Homer Hanky.

Not only is the 36-year-old third baseman hands-down the best switch-hitter since Eddie Murray and Mickey Mantle, (I said it) but his defense continues to shine after 17 years in the game. Last season he put out a .958 fielding percentage over 115 games.

Continue reading this story at Fantasy Pros 911.

Season Previews: Milwaukee Brewers

Now that it's Spring, it's time for one of our favorite things in all the world: Season Previews. Two years ago, they began as a serious analysis and ended up as half-assed haiku. We're just gonna go with what we know. Kicking off our preview of the National League Central, here they are in all their beer-soaked glory: the Milwaukee Brewers.

Sabathia's gone
Gallardo is awesome though!
...Sabathia's gone. :(

Cameron in center
Hart wears sunglasses at night
Brauny out in left

Racing sausages!
Gwynn needs wrap-around Oakleys
Mike Lamb is crappy

Weeks up the middle
Along with J.J. hardy
Hall at the corner

Man, Eric Gagne
When will you be good again?
Getting kinda sad

Trev Hoffman is old
Prince Fielder is a monster
Beer is delicious

[Brew Crew Ball] | [Brewers Home Plate] | [The Bucky Channel] | [Pump House]

Lessons From Little Timmy

If you have cable television and especially the MLB Network (best channel ever) then the likelihood of you having already seen this MLB2k9 commercial is pretty high. Still, it's awesome.

Season Previews: Philadelphia Phillies

Now that it's Spring, it's time for one of our favorite things in all the world: Season Previews. Two years ago, they began as a serious analysis and ended up as half-assed haiku. We're just gonna go with what we know. Nearing the end of our preview of the National League East, we present to you: the Philadelphia Phillies.

It is great to be
the World Phucking Champions
and set cars on fire.

But 2009
brings more challenges for Phils:
Cole reigns as the ace,

But Chutley's still hurt,
The Bat has left the building
and Moyer is old.

Bullpen is solid.
Rollins' PECOTA is strong
and RyHo is clutch.

Can the Phils repeat?
Yet another Mets collapse
Might well make it so.

[Beerleaguer] | [700 Level] | [Plunk Chutley]

Season Previews: Washington Nationals

Now that it's Spring, it's time for one of our favorite things in all the world: Season Previews. Two years ago, they began as a serious analysis and ended up as half-assed haiku. We're just gonna go with what we know. Nearing the end of our preview of the National League East, we present to you: the Washington Nationals.

Bowden is a crook
That's the most exciting news
In the Nats' winter

Adam Dunn at first
Zimmerman across the field
We love us some Zim

Milledge the rapper
Dukes is one scary bastard
Super scary, dawg

Lannan is the ace?
Olsen's from Kalamazoo
He's pretty bad though

Last year the Nats sucked:
59-102
(the worst in baseball)

A lot must be changed
To dig out of that deep hole
...like a whole new team

[We've Got Heart] | [Nats 320] | [Federal Baseball]

Holy Crap That's a Lot of Dough

It looks like Manny Ramirez will keep chasing butterflies in the outfield for at least one more season.

The 12-time All-Star and the Los Angeles Dodgers have (finally) reached a preliminary agreement on a $45 million, two-year contract following months and months of negotiations (i.e. Manny and his superagent Scott Boras not agreeing to anything the Dodgers threw out there.)

Ramirez, who will turn 37 in May, aided in the Dodgers' 2008 NL West pennant by batting .396 with 17 homers and 53 RBIs over 53 regular season games. He hit .520 in the postseason with four homers, 10 RBIs, and 11 walks in 8 games.

The fickle outfielder will receive $25 million this year and has until this November to decide whether to stay for the second season, which calls for $20 million. That's 9 months, Manny. Take your time.

[LA Times] | [MLB Fanhouse] | [Deadspin]

Spring Fever: Vintage Unit

Randy Johnson looked anything but old on the mound Tuesday.

Wearing a San Francisco Giants uniform for the first time against his former Arizona Diamondbacks team, The Big Unit struck out seven over three scoreless innings, allowing just two singles and a walk. His slider -- a pitch he usually doesn't bust out into much later in exhibition -- seemed to be in tip-top shape, with 6 of his K's recorded with that toss.

Yanks' Wang Feels Good

With every Chien-Ming Wang outing comes at least one great headline.

Wang (yes, we know it's pronounced "Wong") made his first start Monday since partially tearing a tendon in his foot while tearing up the bases last June. The right-hander tossed two scoreless innings for the New York Yankees in their 5-5 Grapefruit League tie with the Houston Astros.

"I feel good," Wang said. "Nothing wrong."

On Tuesday, the Yankees get to face their captain, Derek Jeter, when they play Team USA in a World Baseball Classic exhibition at Steinbrenner Field in Tampa, Florida.

The will not, however, face Alex Rodriguez, who has chosen to avoid the boos and don the Dominican Republic uniform at the WBC this season.

[Newsday] | [The LoHud Yankees Blog] | [Heartbeat of the Bronx]