Season Previews: New York Mets

Now that it's pretty much Spring, it's time for one of our favorite things in all the world: Season Previews. Two years ago, they began as a serious analysis and ended up as half-assed haiku. We're just gonna go with what we know. Moving right along with our preview of the National League East, here they are: the New York Mets.

Two years of choking
The Mets just don't finish well
Their fans are pissed off

Luis Castillo
That old dude can barely walk
Signed for three more years

The Mets have some stars
Wright, Reyes, Beltran, Delgado
Others not so much

Bullpen is better
K-Rod and Putz joined the team
But what will they save?

Kerry Wood is in Pain. Alert the Media

Kerry Wood's back is sore. Shocking? Not so much. The entire city of Cleveland is paranoid now.

Wood, who’s had an alarmingly injury-tainted career, hasn’t thrown off a hill since last weekend due to an achy back.

The Indians will rest him for a few more days before he pitches again, all the while wondering when his spine is actually going to snap.

Continue reading this story at Fantasy Pros 911.

Season Previews: Toronto Blue Jays

Now that it's Spring, it's time for one of our favorite things in all the world: Season Previews. Two years ago, they began as a serious analysis and ended up as half-assed haiku. We're just gonna go with what we know. Moving on with our preview of the National League East, is the Toronto Blue Jays: Canada's final hope for a baseball team.

A.J. Burnett left
Halladay is so awesome
B.J. Ryan has great hair

Big Hurt is gone, too
But Cito Gaston is back.
Yay Kevin Millar!

Red Sox and Yankees
Have more money, more fans
A.L. East is rough.

I think Scott Downs sucks.
Two guys named Romero
Neither is J.C.

If Wells and Rolen
Can hit the longball often
Jays might finish third

[Blue Bird Banter] | [Drunk Jays Fans]

Donnie Baseball is Such a Homer

Don Mattingly may be a total New York Yankees homer, but that doesn't mean I don't agree with him on the Blah Blah Steroids Scandal involving Alex Rodriguez.

It's time to move on, folks. This crap went down more than two weeks ago. In the sporting news world, that's like 20 years.

"Here is how I feel," Mattingly said regarding the matter. "He did something wrong. He admitted [he used steroids from 2001-03], now let's move on."

It doesn't really matter what else he said about it -- especially since he kind of went on and on -- because that sentence made a great point. I don't want to hear from his cousin and I certainly don't care what his lawyer has to say. Call him a cheater, call him a failure, just stop regurgitating old news. It's killing me.

High five Donnie.

[A Die Hard Yankees Fan] | [My Pinstripes] | [The Voice of Yankees Universe]

Season Previews: Florida Marlins

Now that it's pretty much Spring, it's time for one of our favorite things in all the world: Season Previews. Two years ago, they began as a serious analysis and ended up as half-assed haiku. We're just gonna go with what we know. Moving right along with our preview of the National League East, here they are: the Florida Marlins.

John Baker is back
What was the point of all that?
They couldn't land Pudge

Dan's up the middle
He's anything but Uggla
Hooked up with Hanley

Scott Proctor still plays?
He must have a good agent
Or the Fish are nuts

It's a Full Blown Joe-Gasm

Spankin' new Minnesota Twins third baseman Joe Crede, who officially signed with the club on Sunday, is a welcomed addition to a team who already has one of the top closers and prettiest swingers in baseball with the same first name.

Instead of Brian Buscher (who was actually doing a pretty good job, batting .294 at third over 70 games) and Brendan Harris platooning the position in 2009, the Twins have finally decided to hire a man to call third base his defensive home, a corner of the infield which hasn't had a decent dweller since the days of Corey Koskie.

Continue reading this story at Fantasy Pros 911.

Eastbound & Down: Holy Crap

Being a Will Ferrell fan, among a lover of America's Pastime, I was forced to watch HBO's new series, Eastbound & Down this weekend.

If you're unfamiliar, the show's premise is the sorry life of a washed-up big league pitcher, Kenny Powers (played with brute force by Danny McBride) who rocks the curly mullet and mustache in a shameless fashion that rivals only his diminishing fastball. He wants back in the game something fierce, but he's out of shape and baseball is out of patience, so he currently makes a living as a substitute gym teacher in his hometown.

He's John Rocker, Roger Clemens, David Wells, Kenny Rogers, and Curt Schilling all rolled up into one big, pompous asshole. Produced by Ferrell and Adam McKay, the over-the-top comedy airs Sundays at 10:30pm ET on HBO right after another of my favorite shows ever, Flight of the Conchords. So if you're not doing anything this Sunday night, check it out. You're only two episodes behind, which isn't too bad since you'll probably pee a little.

[HBO.com]

David Dellucci is Fearless

David Dellucci is quite the story-teller.

The Cleveland Indians outfielder sat among reporters Saturday morning and explained why he would miss the team's first three Cactus League games.

"Right before I came here on February 1st, I was fishing on the side of my lake, and I heard a little boy screaming. I ran over and an alligator had him by the leg. I jumped on the gator, poked him in the eyes, freed the kid, but he got me in my thumb. I got stitched and had surgery."

Season Previews: Atlanta Braves

Now that it's pretty much Spring, it's time for one of our favorite things in all the world: Season Previews. Two years ago, they began as a serious analysis and ended up as half-assed haiku. We're just gonna go with what we know. Kicking off our preview of the National League East are the Atlanta Braves, who missed the playoffs for the second year in a row last season but wound up with a batting champ anyway.

Jurrjens will kick ass
John Smoltz shipped up to Boston
Makes Glavine look old

I love you Chipper
Francoeur gets another shot
I love you Chipper

McCann's still the man
He'll hit .300 this year
Derek Lowe is new

Dearest Bobby Cox,
When will Blanco get to play?
Love, closet Braves fan

[Bleacher Report] | [Razzball] | [Talking Chop]

No Such Thing As Too Many Joes

It's a full-blown Joe-gasm.

I am more than delighted as a Twins fan to hear the news of my favorite club finally signing a decent full-time third baseman. No offense Bboys.

Don't Cry, Jeff Francis

Colorado Rockies pitcher Jeff Francis is scheduled to have exploratory surgery on his pitching shoulder next Wednesday and will likely miss the entire 2009 season.

The lefty went 4-10 with a 5.01 ERA, pitching through pain from May on. He finally landed on the disabled list and was shut down in September. This, coming after he enjoyed a 17-9 record and 4.22 ERA in 2007.

One More Year

At least one veteran hurler has decided to represent for the Atlanta Braves.

Old school lefty Tom Glavine said "one more year" one more time, agreeing to a one-year, $1 million contract Friday morning, including an extra $3.5 million in bonuses based on roster time.

Glavine, baseball's 42-year-old active wins leader with 305 victories, went 2-4 with a 5.54 ERA over 13 starts last season before injuring his elbow. He plans on joining the Braves in March after rehabbing in Atlanta from a shoulder operation.

[AP] | [MLB Rumors] | [Talking Chop]

Get Well Soon Chutley

I've been searching for an excuse to post this delicious picture of Chase Utley, so we're just gonna go ahead and talk about his right hip. It turns out the three-time All-Star is doing very well after his November surgery.

The Philadelphia Phillies second baseman just recently started taking swings off a tee and hitting soft tosses, but docs say he's far ahead of the original 4-6 month prognosis.

Utley, 30, played through pain for most of the 2008 season, but ended up batting .292 with 104 RBIs and a career-high 33 bombs. You can tell about where it started to hurt the most, seeing as how he hit .352 in April with his average dropping to .279 over the last five months. He belted 21 homers in the first 59 games, but nailed just 12 in the last 103.

When asked what his favorite World Series moment was, he responded, "It’s a blur. I’d have to say the last pitch. There’s so many... I tend to remember other people’s plays before I remember mine."

Modest, too.

[Rotoworld] | [Phightin' Phils] | [Phollowing the Phillies]

Francoeur Gives In, Roberts Nears Deal

Once-stud outfielder Jeff Francoeur has agreed to a $3.375 million, one-year contract with the Atlanta Braves.

The two sides avoided an arbitration hearing which was scheduled for Friday by reaching an agreement just before midnight Wednesday on the midway point between both offers.

If the 25-year-old reaches 685 plate appearances this season, he'll also receive a $25,000 bonus. What he does with those at bats will absolutely have a hand in deciding where he plays in 2010.

Francoeur is hoping to spring back from a less-than-desirable 2008 season where he was sent to the minors amidst hitting .239 with just 11 homers and 71 RBIs.

[Sports Network] | [MLB Trade Rumors] | [Baseball Musings]

Going Full Circle: Junior Tries to Save a City

Well, this story is rather heart-warming. Ken Griffey, Jr. has decided to return to Seattle to finish his 20-year career with the team that made him a star.

According to an anonymous source close to negotiations, the Mariners have agreed to give Junior at least $2 million plus incentives for the 2009 season, likely placing the future Hall of Famer at the designated hitter's spot, or possibly out in left field.

As a 19-year-old kid in 1989, Griffey made his big league debut in Seattle and stuck around for 11 seasons, 10 Gold Gloves, 10 All-Star games, 7 Silver Sluggers, 4 video games (Slugfest was pretty badass) a candy bar, a faux Presidential nomination, a guest role on the Simpsons (that's when you know you've made it) and of course, that MVP award in 1997.

Continue reading this story on Fantasy Pros 911.

Barry Bonds: Who Wouldn't Object to That?

We've all heard the disgusting side effects from steroids. The shriveled testicles, premature male pattern baldness, giant heads, 'roid rage and back acne. Ew. But should these things come into play as evidence in Barry Bonds' perjury case?

"Please Lord, no," says the federal court.

The Home Run King's defense attorneys are attempting to squash a proposal by the prosecution to have such things addressed as scientific and physical evidence.

As far as the allegations regarding Bonds’ family jewels, the defense claims there is no way to prove whether they are any smaller than they were on the day of his big league debut 23 years ago. Bonds’ former mistress Kimberly Bell, who filed a lawsuit against him while shopping a tell-all book about their affair, claims to "have noticed that Mr. Bonds’ testicles became smaller" throughout the course of their relationship. Something tells me a gold-digger's word may be taken with a grain of salt in the court of law.

The decision of what evidence is permissible rests with Judge Susan Illston alone, however. Good luck, Your Honor.

[NY Times] | [Fanhouse] | [Bob's Blitz]

Silva Hopes to Stop the Sucking Sound

Carlos Silva took a lesson from former teammate Boof Bonser this offseason, losing 35 pounds in an effort to regain his stuff and stamina.

At 285 lbs., the Seattle Mariners' righty went a shoddy 4-15 with a career-worst 6.46 ERA in his first season out West, winning just one of his last 23 starts. Something had to be done.

Jose Canseco Demands Your Attention

...along with an apology from baseball.

First of all, baseball is a game, not a person. It can't apologize for anything, especially for scorning a former player who had a shot at being a Hall of Famer before greed made his giant head even more hideously inflated.

Continue reading this story at Fantasy Pros 911.

Blah Blah Steroids

New details have arose in the A-Rod Steroids Scandal. It turns out the former golden boy of baseball now blames his cousin for injecting him with an over-the-counter performance-enhancing substance.

Rodriguez says he chose to be shot up with drugs obtained in the Dominican Republic to gain an energy boost, which he refers to as a "stupid mistake."

Mike Hampton Lacks Heart?

Mike Hampton cannot catch a break. I’m not sure if he broke a mirror once upon a time, or if the guy was just born this unlucky.

The perpetually injured Houston Astros lefty returned to the Big Belt Buckle State after his Saturday physical turned up an irregular heartbeat. Hampton underwent an echocardiogram this morning (a corrective procedure using an electrical current) to correct this not-so-uncommon condition.

Continue reading this story at Fantasy Pros 911.

Put It Away Joe Nathan

Put those dimples away this instant young man.

It Was Love At First Sight

We love you, baseball. With all of our hearts. Even with those nasty little habits like steroids and Bud Selig, we just can't seem to quit you.

[Diamond Hoggers] | [Baseball, Life and Other Stuff] | [Subway Squawkers]

Randy Johnson: Old and Full of Crap

Old schooler Randy Johnson, who joined the San Francisco Giants this winter, claims the elusive 300th win is not what made him return to baseball once again for the 2009 season.

"Winning 300 is important, but it is not the [sole] reason I am playing this game," he said.

Bologna.

The Big Unit needs only five more victories to reach the milestone, which only 17 other big leaguers have accomplished in the modern era. Most recently it was Tom Glavine in 2007, and before him Greg Maddux and Roger Clemens in '04 and '03, respectively.

Lookin' Good, Good Lookin'

Ryan Howard (pictured here at a Maxim Super Bowl party) continues to make the big bucks, landing a 3-year, $54 million contract with his Philadelphia Phillies this weekend, avoiding arbitration altogether.

After leading the big leagues with 48 homers and 146 RBIs last season -- not to mention helping the Phillies win their first World Series title since 1980 -- the hefty first baseman got a hefty raise: $15 million this season, $19 million the next, and $20 million in 2011.

Howard, the 2006 NL MVP, batted just .251 in 2008, striking out one whiff short of 200 times with 19 errors, and still managed to make runner-up to Albert Pujols for the MVP.

"I’m happy to have this done and to know that I’ll be in Philadelphia for at least another three years," he said.

[ESPN] | [The Hardball Times] | [Fanhouse]

Alex Rodriguez: Destroyer of Freedom, Breaker of Children's Hearts

If you've turned on a television or perused the internets today, you no doubt have heard that The Best Player in Baseball tested positive for steroids in 2003, the year he won his first AL MVP award.

Let me be the first to say, YAAAAAAAWWWWWWWN.

However, it does give me an opportunity to post the picture you see, so... you're welcome.

[SportsIllustrated.com]

You Got the Job, Buddy!

The Minnesota Twins organization has been forced to do something they haven't done in nearly 50 years. They've hired a groundskeeper.

Larry DiVito, the man in charge of taking care of Nationals Park for the past three seasons, has also worked for the Los Angeles Dodgers and AAA Pawtucket Red Sox. Congratulations pal, I suggest you and your team of hard-working Minnesotans invest in a few extra snow plows for Target Field.

[MLB] | [Midwest Sports Fans] | [Sac Bunt] | [Randball]

Even The Wave Will Be There!

As most old folks do when they're three-quarters of a century old, Hammerin' Hank Aaron will enjoy a giant birthday bash, thrown by friends and family of the legend in downtown Atlanta this evening.

Anyone who's anyone at all will be there, including Dave Winfield and former President Bill Clinton. Oh yeah, and someone invited Bud Selig, who's always the life of the party.

Happy Birthday, Hank. Your 755 longballs will always be the best according to most.

[MLB] | [Hardball Times] | [My Pinstripes]