8.19.2009

Top 10 Players Who Should Never Un-Retire

I'm a big, fat cheaterface.In the wake of former retired gunslinger Brett Favre's signing with the Minnesota Vikings, we've asked some of our favorite bloggers to help us compile a list of ten baseball players who they hope never ever make a comeback.

Since we came up with way more than 10 players we never want to see again, it was pretty tough to choose. However, some of them were dead, so that made it easier. That's all baseball needs is a zombie problem. P.S. Our two-cents are in italics.

10. Jon Pyle, Pyle of List: Ozzie Smith. He's so damn classy, that I couldn't stand it."

9. Matt, BoSox Injection: "Jose Offerman." (The game has been dangerous enough lately with players like Kevin Youkilis around.)

8. Extra P., Bus Leagues Baseball: Jeff Kent. Humorless prick with a cop mustache. So full of macho bullshit he hurt himself doing a wheelie and couldn't stand to play second fiddle to Barry Bonds. He generally brought me no joy whatsoever as a player. (And he's racist.)

7. Flubby, KSK: "Jack Clark. Easy. Obviously he's too old now but I fucking hated that dude and I still do."

6. Chris Rosen, 42-inch Television: Bernie Williams, because he's a cocky Yankee who still thinks he can play even though he can't. (But man he wails on the guitar like he's Boronson Arroyo or something.)

5. Peter, Baseball Reflections: "Barry Bonds. He just has one of the worst attitudes I've seen since probably Albert Belle. Plus isn't he like 45 now?" (Is he even officially retired?)

4. Unsilent Majority, KSK: "Rickey Henderson because of all the comeback attempts he's made, plus his general attention whoring ways... even though he's kind of hilarious."

3. Simon on Sports: "Curt Schilling. As a Yankee fan I think it's easy to pick him because of the whole bloody sock BS and the fact that he never, ever, ever shuts up. I wish he would just fade away and we would never see his face again."

2. Mr. Poon: "Roger Clemens. What a cockface."

1. Rob Iracane, Walkoff Walk: "Jose Motherlovin Canseco. I want that guy DEAD." (Yikes)

Honorable mention from Lizzy: "Kirby Puckett." (He'd totally count if he didn't die tragically from a massive hemorrhagic stroke. Ahem.)

We know you have your own specially-hated players to add to the list, so feel free to contribute to our list in the comments section!

7 comments:

Bassmaster said...

Sammy Sosa! I know he hasn't "officially" retired yet but damn. There is no room in the game for guys like him.

Megs said...

Chuck Knoblach! I hated that guy.

Anonymous said...

John Smoltz. Oh, wait.

Blake said...

John Rocker -- we see enough of him as Kenny Powers!

RandBall's Stu said...

Mark Lemke. That little fvcker almost cost us the '91 Series, and the same folks who stroke out over David Eckstein now would just love that guy.

Vincetastic said...

Hey Sooze, this is an excellent top ten list. John Rocker and Roger Clemens are great picks. I think Barry Bonds should be #1. You can cross-post this to our site http://www.toptentopten.com/ and link back to your site. We are trying to create a directory for top ten lists where people can find your site. The coolest feature is you can let other people vote on the rankings of your list.

SpastikMooss said...

Two guys I wish would unretire? Rafael Belliard and Rich "El Guapo" Garces. Because Belliard would be awesome in the more homer game and El Guapo is...pure awesome

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