Diary of a Total Masochist
So today, in the spirit of the bloody awesomeness that is baseball, I decided that I was going to get up at 5am and head out to a bar to watch the Red Sox open the 2008 season in Japan. Above you will see the obligatory "I just woke up at fucking 4:45am" on the left, and on the right is the
4:43 a.m. - Inner baseball alarm clock goes off. I am slightly peeved by this as I was hoping to sleep until five to get a full four hours. But fuck it. It's REAL BASEBALL SEASON.
5 a.m.- Brush teeth. Drink Red Bull #1 and 2. Shoo cat away from clawing Sox hat. Put on Beckett Jersey.
5:02 a.m.- Frantically search for housekeys.
5:05 a.m. - Find housekeys in pocket of pants I am currently wearing.
5:07 a.m. - Read NY Daily News interview with A-Rod. Snicker to self.
5:10 a.m. - Leave apartment. Get to lobby of my building and notice someone has puked on the floor. God bless NYC.
5:20 a.m. - Get to 145th Street Subway station. On the way to station, "Tessie" comes on iPod. Totally an omen.
5:35 a.m. - Fuckin A train. Get on Subway. Snooze till 34th Street.
5:50 a.m. - Arrive at Dunkin Donuts. Order coffees for myself and my bartender. Have to repeat order 77 times because non-english speaking Dunkin Donuts man can't seem to get a grasp on the concept of "two medium coffees, milk and no sugar."
5:59 a.m. - Get on 1 Train.
6:07 a.m.- Arrive at Riviera. But not until some crackhead attacks me on 7th Avenue demanding $9.50. because, and this is verbatim "I paid some girl 10$ for freaky sex and now I don't know how I'm going to get home." I fuckin hate New York sometimes.
Now, I know I am probably clinically insane for dragging my ass downtown to a bar to watch a game at 6 a.m., but apparently there are plenty of people who are just as batshit crazy as me. Bar is pretty much full. Riveria gives us free coffee and breakfast. But cannot serve liquor legally until 8 a.m. BOOOOOOOO.
6:20 a.m. - God, Dice K sucks at baseball. How can a guy have 24 strikes and 25 balls BY THE SECOND INNING.
6:27 a.m. - Hah. JD 'Nancy' Drew must have woken up with a hangnail, as some dude named Brandon Moss has started in right field.
6:30-7:15 a.m. - Mainline coffee. Eat tons of free and delicious fruit. The sun comes up.
7:45 a.m. - The bartender's brother and this nice feller Billy and me start a countdown till we can drink bloody marys. We're going to need them the way Dice K is pitching. And also after listening to the mind-numbing, self-oral fellatio that Bud Selig has given himself.
7:52 a.m. - The consensus is that the broadcast would be far more entertaining with Jerry Remy. Well, because he's probably drunk out of his mind.
8:00 a.m. - Bar opens. Bartender Beau makes me the strongest bloody mary I have ever consumed in my life. It'll go well with the coffee, three Red Bulls, and quart of strawberries I have already consumed today.
8:30 a.m. - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH KYLE SNYDER. aka, 'Bizzaro Bronson Arroyo.' Snyder proceeds to suck like usual, and gives up a two-run homer. Sigh, its so nice to see things never change.
Now, this is when I kind of stopped taking notes as to what was going on (as far as times go) I DO know that I was interviewed for television. WNBC 4 in NYC. So if you're in the area, tune in at noon. The guy next to me knocked over his Guinness while I was talking. Also, that Moss kid hit a homer to tie the game in the 9th. The highlight for me by far, was when Manny hit that two run double off the wall, and in typical Manny fashion, assumed it was a home run and spent at least 3 seconds standing at home plate admiring it before he realized that well, HE NEEDED TO RUN. Although I suppose we're lucky that Manny even realized there was a game going on.
Welcome back to baseball, everybody.
Here's a bunch of pix from today's festivities in Japan