Eric Gagne is a Red Sox, Mark Teixeira is a Brave, and nobody else matters. It was interesting and exciting, that's for damn sure, and I was hitting refresh on sports sites all day to see what exactly was happening. Good work, MLB. Far more exciting than last year. Now, for the trades that everyone was expecting but never actually happened:
Julio Lugo to any random little league team for a Chipotle gift certificate, a medium sized bottle of Jose Cuervo and 7 pounds of guacamole. The shortstop position on the Red Sox has been a sore spot for me ever since the Sox let Orlando Cabrera go in favor of the disaster that was Edgar Renteria. Lugo is awful.
Scott Proctor to the WNBA. He makes it happen. And by it, I mean giant fires involving exercising the demons of his playing equipment.
Joe Buck and Tim McCarver to the Congo, for two shit-throwing chimpanzees (preferably one named Amy) who's grunting and rectal-mining is more coherent than anything either of those two douchecocks have ever uttered. The Congo will also be getting another announcer to be named later.
Guillermo Mota from the Mets to The Bottom of the Atlantic Ocean for some steroid-enhanced sea lion who can fire a ball out of its mouth somewhere in the vicinity of the strike range.
Roger Clemens trades himself to himself thustly proving Doc Brown's theory from "Back to the Future" and implodes in a giant ball of cellulite, fatigued groin, and hot air. He's never heard from again. Women, children, and Lizzy rejoice.
*Thank you to my friend Pizz for helping me be funny:)
8.02.2007
Now That The Deadline Has Come and Gone...
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7 Comments:
chone figgins to the howard stern show as a stunt double for beetlejuice.
vladimir guerrero to the fugees for pras and a rapper to be named later.
john lackey to the andy griffith show for gomer pyle and cash considerations.
I wish the Joe Buck one was true.
Also, can Amy the chimp be dressed in a Tutu?? there is nothing funnier than a monkey in a tutu.
lol, great post. But how could you do that to the Congo huh? What have those people ever done to you?
Haha Sanchez! I was just about to type that... those poor people and animals in the Congo.
1.21 Jiggowats of blech
I'm with Sanchez, the Congo is too good for Buck and McCarver, how about Antarctica with no jackets?
I just can't hate on Joe Buck, at least not as much as everyone else does. Being a Cardinals fan, I grew up listening to his father and Harry Caray, so I give him some slack. McCarver, on the other hand...
You can have Al Hrabosky, though, if you want. Horrid doesn't begin to describe him.
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