Under The Bleachers

We met up with Tampa Bay Devil Rays outfielder Elijah Dukes this afternoon to talk about his many adventures in sperm donating.

Elijah Dukes knows not of contraceptionLizzy: "Elijah, we could begin the interview if you'd kindly get your hands the hell off of me."

Dukes: "Pssh. Whatever, dawg."

Sooze: "It seems yet another young lady has named you the father of her baby - a seventeen-year-old foster child?"

Dukes: "She said she was 18, yo."

Lizzy: "Luckily for you, there will be no legal ramifications since the age of consent in Florida is 16 if the whoopie is made on the love seat of a Foster Home."

Sooze: "How did you react when she told you the news?"

thirst-quenching!Dukes: "Well, at first I wanted to take a picture of my gat and text it to her, but I threw a Gatorade at that [redacted] instead, dawg."

Lizzy: "Hey, it looks like those anger management classes are really working for you!"

Sooze: "Have you ever considered using condoms?"

Dukes: "[Redacted] that, dawg."

Lizzy: "Considering the price of contraception compared to the cost of child support, maybe you should look into that."

Hi! Put me on your junk so you don't make any babies that you don't want!Sooze: "Here, we brought some along for you."

Dukes throws a Gatorade at Sooze

Sooze: "Was that really necessary?"

Lizzy: "Dude. Keep your eyes off of my goods."

Sooze: "Yeah, what the hell? Look here! (points to eyes) Not here! (points to ma'ams)"

Dukes: "I thought I was gonna get some action here, dawg. I'm out."

Sooze: "We look forward to hearing about your next illegitimate child adventure!"

Lizzy: "Don't drink the Haterade!"

[Elijah Dukes Is Such A Bastard] | [] | [What The Hell?]


Megs said...

Awesome. I'm gonna have to get one of those ballhype accounts now.