Li'l Timmy Gets Paid

If you're a faithful reader, you know we love us some Li'l Timmy Lincecum. And it appears that the Giants organization still does, too. They've just agreed to terms on a 2 year, $40.5 million dollar deal that will take him to the end of the 2013 season - when he is eligible for free agency.

The pot loving, vandal-slash-party animal two time Cy Young winner had the stones to ask for $21.5 million a year - which is more than ANY player with so few years under his belt has ever requested. The Giants countered with $17 million, and they finally settled on a measly $500,000 signing bonus, $18 mil this year, and $22 million next year instead. Also included in his new deal? A no trade clause and he gets 25 tickets per game to give to underpriveliged kids. Awwww, what a sweetheart.

Surprisingly, he's still just the second highest paid Giant on the roster this season. Remember Barry Zito? The former badass is still getting $19 million this season for being terrible.

While the two year deal will help Big Time Timmy Jim and the Giants avoid that whole arbitration mess later on, he actually turned down an offer by the Giants for 5 years, $100 million dollars - chump change, really - most likely knowing that in two years he'll probably be able to command a whole heck of a lot more than $20 million per year during the free agency frenzy and wind up making something like a billion dollars a year and get the rights to party at the White House and his choice of hooking up with only the hottest of the hottest supermodels on the planet. Even with that hair he's got going on.

Holy Crap Prince Fielder Got a Nine-Year Deal from the Detroit Tigers

First and foremost, we are not happy to be back in Minnesota after a long vacation in Florida. It's disgusting here. But we missed you.

Second, we'd like to ponder why on earth the Detroit Tigers would give a fatass like Prince Fielder a nine-year deal worth $214 million. Just kidding... kind of.

The Tigers agreed to sign the free agent first baseman on Tuesday out of nowhere, adding some more pop to the middle of their lineup with the already hard-hitting Miguel Cabrera in there. This, just days after announcing designated hitter Victor Martinez would miss a bunch of the 2012 season with an ACL tear he endured during offseason conditioning.

Fielder, who batted .282 with 230 home runs and 656 RBI over seven seasons with the Milwaukee Brewers, now owns just the fourth $200+ million deal in baseball history with his $23.78 million a season beaten only by Alex Rodriguez, Ryan Howard, Cliff Lee, and Albert Pujols, among active players.

While several teams, such as the Texas Rangers and Washington Nationals, had thrown their hats into the Fielder bidding ring this winter, Detroit was no where to be found. General Manager Dave Dombrowski and owner Mike Ilitch even denied having any interest in signing him whatsoever. Liars. But having Prince in the lineup makes them even more of a favorite to repeat the AL Central title this season and possibly win their first World Series since 1984. They made a run at it last season after winning their division by 15 games, but ended up losing to the Rangers in the ALDS.

This move also keeps the Fielder name in the Tigers organization, which is pretty neat. His father, Cecil, nailed 51 longballs with Detroit back in 1990 after playing 15 years of Japanese ball. Senior played with the Tigers into the 1996 season while his young son hit bombs during batting practice. More importantly, Fielder finally leaving the National League to become the DH he was always meant to be.

[Detroit Free Press]

Chicago Cubs Pay Miami Marlins to Take Carlos Zambrano Off their Hands

So the Chicago Cubs have traded Carlos Zambrano to the Miami Marlins, who once again are demanding our attention. We can't wait to see him in his new Rainbow Brite uniform.

In return, the Cubbies will get right-hander Chris Volstad while also forking over $15.45 million of Zambrano's $18 million salary this season. Just let that one sink in for a minute.

First off, were the Cubs seriously hating on Big Z so much that they were willing to part with him and pay the majority of his income? You bet. In fact, the club's spankin' new President of Baseball Operations Theo Epstein cited mistrust and general distaste among his former teammates as one of the main reasons he had to get him out of there.

What a deal for the Marlins.

Second, Chris Volstad is that guy whose name you can never remember but whose face you think you might recognize. Or not. He's average at best, carrying around a career 4.59 ERA in four big league seasons. Originally the Marlins' first-round pick in 2005, he's been up with the club since 2008, compiling a less than desirable 32-39 record along the way. Obviously, he's no Carlos Zambrano, who touts a 3.60 career ERA in 11 seasons on the North Side, with a 125-81 win-loss. Then again, Volstad probably isn't a psychopath either.

After a tumultuous career in which the 30-year-old righty has squabbled with teammates, managers, coaches, and umpires, the last straw coming on August 12. Upon being ejected from a game for being a total ass, he cleaned out his locker and began starting rumors of his retirement. Apparently he was only joking.

Scary Fernando Rodney Bullies Tampa Bay Rays into Giving Him a One-Year Deal

It's no secret that Fernando Rodney scares the crap out of us. In fact, we're pretty sure that he frightened the Tampa Bay Rays into giving him a one-year contract worth $2 million on Wednesday. The deal even has a club option for 2013. Hot Stove in Tampa Bay!

Let's be serious here for a minute. The right-hander's 4.50 ERA with the Los Angeles Angels last season doesn't exactly scream, "show me the money."

Rodney, who turns 35 in March, has seen his value sink drastically over the past two seasons. After signing a two-year, $11 million deal with the Halos back in 2009 as a free agent, he went on to provide the team with just 17 saves in 28 chances and compile a 7-8 record. He is a career 22-38 with a nice bloated 4.29 ERA over parts of nine seasons with the Angels and Detroit Tigers and has notched 87 saves in the past decade. What an athlete.

At least he can look forward to competing with Kyle Farnsworth in Tampa for the closer's job, which should be no competition at all. Because if Farny gets a job before you do, you have absolutely no business in the big leagues, pal.

[ESPN]

Oakland Athletics Fans Get to Marvel at Coco Crisp's Afro for Another Two Seasons

Contrary to the popular belief that Coco Crisp was not planning on roaming the outfield for the Oakland Athletics next season, the club has brought him back for another two years after he decided he's rather play on the West coast 81 games a year rather than on a peninsula with the Tampa Bay Rays.

Of course, this business is top secret right now since the team has yet to divulge this information to the public. However, a source familiar with the club, who is speaking on condition of anonymity, says the deal is worth roughly $14 million and there is also a club option for 2014. The official announcement should come some time on Thursday after he passes his physical.

Chicago White Sox Trade Carlos Quentin to San Diego Padres

Sometimes when players are traded, they get all upset about where they end up and who they'll miss. In Carlos Quentin's case, he's pretty excited.

The Chicago White Sox traded the All-Star outfielder to his hometown San Diego Padres this weekend, and when he got the call he was conveniently already in town.

This is also good news for the Padres, who sucked it up in the National League West last season. They finished worst in their division at 71-91, 23 games behind his former team, the NL West-winning Arizona Diamondbacks. Padres general manager Josh Byrnes, who traded Quentin from Arizona to Chicago four years ago, is happy to have him back:

"Trading him is pretty high on my list of regrets. That group in Arizona had a lot of talent. Carlos always stood out for his intensity and his style of play. Having a chance to get him back became very appealing here this offseason."

Quentin, who batted .254 with 24 home runs and 77 RBI last season while playing right field for the White Sox, is expected to start out in left for San Diego in 2012. He's also expected to do wonders for the Padres' collective offense, since he's nailed 20 homers in each of the last four seasons, including 36 in 2008.

The White Sox acquired two minor league pitchers in the deal: right-hander Simon Castro and left-hander Pedro Hernandez.

[Associated Press]